Jake: Well, we have got ourselves a case and a key piece of evidence. We should be wrapping this thing up in no time.
Charles: As long as we do it before sunup. As soon as the shift is over, I kind of have to get home.
Jake: But we're gonna work until it's done, right? I mean, that's how we do it.
Charles: Yeah, I just like to be home as soon as Nikolaj wakes up so I can make him breakfast.
Jake: Sure, yeah, not a problem we'll be home by sunup. Just like a couple of sexy "Twilight" vampires. [as Dracula] I am Robert Pattinson. I vant to turn into a bat. [normal voice] I've never seen the movies.
Charles: No, me neither they're an insult to the books.
Jake: Okay.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Sergeant Jeffords: Should I just go tell everyone to buck up and do their jobs?
Captain Holt: No, the squad's only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me. It's my responsibility to fix this, so I'm going to brighten the mood by telling a few jokes. Try this one on for size: I don't care for cheese.I'm a curd-mudgeon. [silence] Wow. You're too tired for humor.

Charles: Now we just gotta pull his files from records.
Jake: Yep, then we bust him, and we'll be done with plenty of time before Nikolaj wakes up.
Charles: [correcting] Nikolaj.
Jake: Hm? Nikolaj, yeah, I said it.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Not even close. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Almost. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj. I feel like I'm saying it.

Jake: Thank you, okay, so I break the back window, make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing lookout by the front door-
Charles: [French accent] Oui, oui.
Jake: Smoking a cigarette. Check it: Ash.
Charles: [French accent] Ooh la la. Okay, so I am smoking.
Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: Oh, Jacques rolls his own cigarettes, a habit he picked up from a prostitute in Marseille, but that is not all he picked up.
Jake: Why do all your characters get STDs?
Charles: [normal voice] Because they're living life!