Adrian Pimento: I was my own sign the whole time? Wow, that's a real M.
Night Shyamalan twist- Oh! [snaps] "Signs"! [Jake and Gina gasp] Wait, do you think he's behind all of this?
Jake: I do not.

Adrian Pimento: I'm an insurance investigator now.
Charles: I thought you were in Alaska.
Adrian Pimento: Oh, yeah, I was after Rosa and I broke up. But then I accidentally killed a "protected buffalo", self-defense. Next thing I know, Fish and Game are all over my ass. I ended up in a fight with a bear, and I had to think to myself, why am I even here?
Jake: Wait a minute. You fought a bear?
Adrian Pimento: Big time. The trick on that: head-butt him in the penis, push him over a cliff.
Jake: Ah, I bet that works with a lot of animals.
Adrian Pimento: Only the male ones. Learned that the hard way.

Jake: Well, listen, we need your help.
Adrian Pimento: Great, who are we killing? I won't do kids. That's a rule. But that rule is negotiable if the kid's a dick.
Rosa: No, babe, we don't want you to kill anyone.
Adrian Pimento:What? Really?
Rosa: No.

Adrian Pimento: No, no, no, I don't mess with computers, okay? Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, no thank you. I'm done with this.

Amy: Scully and Hitchcock, you're in charge of seating.
Scully: Smart move, Amy. I've been called the Leonardo da Vinci of sitting on my ass.

Charles: And now Nikolaj says he's too frightened to ever sleep again, so that's just superduper.
Adrian Pimento: I don't understand what he's so scared about. If I was there to kill him, he never would've heard me.
Charles: A thing you told him several times.

Captain Holt: Right, Santiago?
Amy: The arch sucks! I'm sorry. I didn't want to say anything because you're my boss and you were so excited, but the truth is every time I look at it I wanna die and take you with me.
Captain Holt: Well, I wish you'd said something before I spent all day making it. Of course, you didn't want to "burst my bubble". Pun intended. And then you did. [starts popping balloons]