Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 8479

Quote from Jake in the episode The Audit

Jake: Oh, my God, he's so boring.
Amy: He's so boring.
Jake: Most boring man in America.
Amy: And that's him trying to be interesting. That is Spring Break Teddy.
Jake: How did you ever date him? Oh, no, he has a really big wiener, doesn't he? Wait. Don't tell me if that's true, unless it's not. No, but then if you don't say anything, I'll know that it is. Oh, why aren't you saying anything about his wiener, Amy?
Amy: Jake.
Jake: Stop, stop, stop, stop. I don't want to hear about your ex's wiener. Just you're not making me feel better. Why would you do this to me?
Amy: Jake, stop spiraling.
Jake: Every time you shake me, I see it flopping around.
Amy: Stop.

Jake Quotes

Quote from the episode AC/DC

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Quote from the episode The Party

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

'The Audit' Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: There's something I'd like to show you, Captain.
(Japanese copier starts up)
Captain Holt: "Terry crushed it." It works! I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I've solved a lot of cases for you.
Captain Holt: And yet crime has continued.

Quote from Jake

Jake: He's gonna shut this place down, and we're gonna get shipped off to separate precincts. I don't think our relationship can survive that.
Amy: I mean, even if we don't work together, we can still be a couple.
Jake: If I don't see you every day, I will forget who you are. I'm like a goldfish.

Quote from Amy

Jake: Why'd you have to say he was boring?
Amy: Because he is boring. His favorite app on his phone is "contacts."

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