Amy: Jake and I were only pretending to fight so that we could destroy your phone. While we were on the stakeout and you were in the bathroom, we said you were the most boring man in America, and your phone recorded it. I'm sorry.
We didn't want you to get mad at us and fail the precinct.
Teddy: Wow. You guys are the worst.
Jake: Well, you just proposed in front of your girlfriend, so potato, po-tah-to.
Teddy: Amy, I loved you. All right, I'm ready to go, Rachel. Should we hit up the Tenement Museum?
All: No!

Captain Holt: Sergeant, please tell me this malfunctioning copier isn't gonna sink our precinct.
Sergeant Jeffords: I figured out how to turn it on, but the screen just shows a cartoon turtle sobbing.
Captain Holt: Perhaps it's a paper jam.
Sergeant Jeffords: And what about when the little sushi roll comes out and cuts the turtle's head off?
Captain Holt: Toner issue.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why?!

Sergeant Jeffords: There's something I'd like to show you, Captain.
(Japanese copier starts up)
Captain Holt: "Terry crushed it." It works! I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life.
Sergeant Jeffords: I mean, I've solved a lot of cases for you.
Captain Holt: And yet crime has continued.

Jake: Why'd you have to say he was boring?
Amy: Because he is boring. His favorite app on his phone is "contacts."