Jake: Thermometer museum? Uh, no thanky. Here's what a-we are all about. One, free hotel rooms.
Sergeant Jeffords: I get to sleep in a bed by myself. No wife, no kids, just Terry starfishing on a Cal King.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Charles: See you in hell, partner. [Charles pushes the K-13 robot off the balconey]
[present:]
Jake: You killed her?
Charles: Her? Oh, my God, it was a her. You were replacing Amy, not me. What have I done?

Jake: Can I help you with something?
Captain Holt: I'm concerned that my presentation isn't, uh, "jazzy" enough to compete with Jeffrey's. He's such a showman.
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: I'm thinking about augmenting the graphs with, um, color.
Jake: Sir.
Captain Holt: I know. I'm debasing myself. Anyway, give this to Jeffords. He's the artist. I'd like him to choose the, um-
Jake: Color?
Captain Holt: Yes.

Jake: Attention, our boss is headed this way. Everyone has to clear the hallway right now.
[The crowd grumbles]
Amy: Shh!
[The crowd is silent]
Charles: [whispering] Wow, she is great at shushing.
Jake: I know, she's like a librarian.
Rosa: You mean, like a sexy librarian?
Jake: No, a regular one.