Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quote 9122

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Honeymoon

Jake: Hey, I thought piña coladas might be too festive, so I got two super-depressing coconuts filled with Merlot.
Amy: I'm not depressed. I'm relieved. For the first time all week, it's just the two of us.
Captain Holt: I'm right here. I escaped using some of the lube Boyle sent you.
It got everywhere. I had to change.

 Captain Holt Quotes

Quote from the episode Ding Dong

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Quote from the episode The Box

Jake: We have a few more questions for you, doctor.
Captain Holt: Doctor. Huh. It's funny when people call dentists "doctor".
Philip Davidson: We are doctors. We do four years of medical school.
Captain Holt: Yeah, but it's called "dental school".
Philip Davidson: But we learn about the entire body.
Captain Holt: But if you had cancer, you wouldn't call a dentist.
Philip Davidson: You know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school.
Captain Holt: Well, because there are fewer dental schools. Because most people want to become actual doctors.
Philip Davidson: That's ridiculous. It's not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors".
Captain Holt: Not the same thing, my friend.
Philip Davidson: Well, sure it is. When someone has a heart attack on a plane, do they yell out, "Yo, does anybody here have an Art History PhD?"
Captain Holt: A PhD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor.
Jake: Maybe let's refocus.
Captain Holt: No! The problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor".
Jake: Okay, Captain-
Captain Holt: I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo-
[cut to outside, Holt downing a glass of water]
Captain Holt: Apparently that's a trigger for me.
Jake: Yeah, apparently.

 ‘Honeymoon’ Quotes

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.
This one says, "What's up, beaches?" Instead of "bitches" for humor reasons.
Amy: But you hate humor.
Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me.

Quote from Jake

Amy: What? You're quitting?
Captain Holt: Yes, I am.
Amy: No, you're not. We're keeping you right here.
Captain Holt: How are you going to do that? Physically restrain me?
Amy: Great idea. Is there anything in Charles's box of nightmares that could be used to tie up Holt?
Jake: Yes. Literally everything in here could be used to tie up a person.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Hey, Gina. Did you see "Real Housewives" last night? If she says no, then ask about "Below Deck."
Gina: What are you doing?
Scully: She's getting suspicious, Scully. Act natural.
Gina: Are you wearing an earpiece?
Scully: Tell her no. Scully, stop saying what I'm saying. Be normal.

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