Captain Holt: It's a crinkle. I solved it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes, but you have to know what object is making the crinkle.
Captain Holt: But that's impossible. It could be anything.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes, sir. That's the game.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Rosa: Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, then we tried to make it work, but the distance was too much and we broke up again?
Charles: No. The last thing you told me about yourself was that you were bi.

Amy: Okay, I've got something.
Jake: Oh. That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine.
Amy: I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. Zero absences. Oh, mama Printing this for later.
Jake: Keep it in your pants, Santiago.
Amy: Oh, that's exactly where it's going.

Captain Holt: Why is everyone gathered around the radio? Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?