Dr. Theresa Moore: Well, Garrett, our time is up. Shall we pick up here next week?
Jake: No, I can't go. There's still someone left inside that wants to talk.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Do you mean Satchel, the "gentle African-American man who was born in 1908"?
Jake: Oh, no. You know what? Satchel probably shouldn't come out right now. Or ever, for that matter.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Garrett, I can only help you if you open up.
Jake: [sighs] [deep voice] And then Dufresne escaped through the tunnels of Shawshank Prison. He was my friend.
Dr. Theresa Moore: Are you just doing Morgan Freeman?
Jake: Ah, yes! You calling me on it just gave me a major breakthrough. I'm cured! Anyway, deuces, Doc!

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Captain Holt: [on the phone] Kevin, they're not coming. Yes, I know you've already started soaking the rice. Couldn't we just eat it ourselves? I understand you purchased four portions of rice. Yes, that's a great idea. We'll eat the extra rice for breakfast. I love you, as well.

Jake: Okay, unlike Kooky Charles and Tearful Terry, I am healthy and don't need therapy.
Hitchcock: I hear that. I don't go to therapy either. Jake and I are like two penises in a pod.
Jake: Damn it, Hitchcock, we talked about this. It never helps when you back me up.

Jake: Behold, Brooklyn buddies, Boyle bullpen bottle bowling.
Charles: Beautiful.
Jake: Be brave, bro. Be brave. Bowl!
Rosa: Bam!
Charles: Bull's-eye!
Jake: Booyah!
Elderly Eastern European Woman: Babushka!
All: Babushka!