Rosa: Why is it taking Holt and this I.T. guy so long to fix the Internet? One Police Plaza sent him an hour ago.
Jake: Huh. Why does Holt look so worried?
Rosa: What are you talking about? He looks exactly like he always does.
Jake: To you, perhaps, but I finally learned how to read his emotions. His lips are slightly pursed, and he's blinking at eight-second intervals as opposed to his normal 10. [gasps] Oh, my God. He's having a meltdown.
Rosa: "Meltdown" seems excessive.
Jake: Yeah, it's a meltdown. Mark my words.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Hitchcock: We cooked that lasagna for nothing. Nothing!
Jake: Okay. But have you ever considered eating lasagna with no garlic bread?
Hitchcock: We've- Never done that before.
Scully: I guess maybe we could give it a try. What do you think, Hitchcock?
Hitchcock: What the hell. I had a feeling something crazy was gonna happen today.
Jake: There you go.
Scully: It's almost ready.
Jake: [microwave dings] Mama Magglione.

Jake: How is she running so fast in those shoes?
Rosa: She's too drunk to feel any pain.
Jake: Open up.
Jenna Pazhley: No.
Rosa: You are trapped in a very small room, and we can see you. What's your plan here?
Jenna Pazhley: Shut up, I'm trying to think. If you come in here, I'll bite you with this weird mouth thing.
Rosa: That is a staple remover, and it's shocking you don't know that.
Jenna Pazhley: Sorry, I'm not a secretary.

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, maybe it's time to face reality. We have to erase the servers.
Sergeant Knox: I'll initiate the sequence for you. It just needs your passcode.
Captain Holt: Perhaps you're right. How depressing. I never would've thought that typing an intricate sequence of numbers from memory would bring such sadness.