Rosa: Listen, I just don't understand why this is happening.
Jocelyn: Look, I love being with you, but how often am I actually with you?
Rosa: We're together every night.
Jocelyn: Unless you're at work, or doing work, or thinking about work. It's like you never have time for me.
Jake: I'm sorry, but Rosa doesn't have time for you. We have a really important work thing. That was bad. Let me try rephrasing it. You are not as important as Rosa's job. Oh, wow. That was way worse.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Hitchcock: We cooked that lasagna for nothing. Nothing!
Jake: Okay. But have you ever considered eating lasagna with no garlic bread?
Hitchcock: We've- Never done that before.
Scully: I guess maybe we could give it a try. What do you think, Hitchcock?
Hitchcock: What the hell. I had a feeling something crazy was gonna happen today.
Jake: There you go.
Scully: It's almost ready.
Jake: [microwave dings] Mama Magglione.

Jake: How is she running so fast in those shoes?
Rosa: She's too drunk to feel any pain.
Jake: Open up.
Jenna Pazhley: No.
Rosa: You are trapped in a very small room, and we can see you. What's your plan here?
Jenna Pazhley: Shut up, I'm trying to think. If you come in here, I'll bite you with this weird mouth thing.
Rosa: That is a staple remover, and it's shocking you don't know that.
Jenna Pazhley: Sorry, I'm not a secretary.

Sergeant Knox: What's going on? We're running out of time here.
Captain Holt: Uh, sorry, it's uh from my husband, Kevin.
Sergeant Knox: Well, all due respect, but you don't have time for that. You've got 15 seconds before the hacker is inside the server.
Captain Holt: Uh, yes, uh it's just that Kevin just texted me some hot goss about our favorite reality TV star.
Sergeant Knox: 10 seconds. Your agents' lives are at stake. Eight, seven-
Captain Holt: Oh, I understand. I just have to find out about the hot goss.