Season 2 Quotes Page 43 of 52

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Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Mole

Jake: Hey, check it out. Dog bra. Dog bra. Oh, I'm so tired. I can't keep my eyes open. Here, I need you to slap me.
Captain Holt: I'm not gonna do that, Peralta. [slaps Jake]
Jake: Oh!
Captain Holt: I thought perhaps the element of surprise would help.
Jake: It did!

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Mole

Jake: You wanna do me? I'll do you right back. Tit for toot.
Captain Holt: I've been on the force for 30 years, and I've never been accused of impropriety.
Jake: Oh, is that a fact? Because I heard you call Deputy Chief Wuntch by her first name and after that, you told her you hoped she got carried off by crows. That is gross insubordination.
Captain Holt: Madeline is irrelevant. Our battles extend beyond the confines of NYPD rules. You're being ridiculous.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Mole

Jake: If you're such a great cop, how come you didn't know there was a mole in your precinct? That's right, because you did. Because you are the mole, you mole!
Captain Holt: I've heard enough! Please return your guest pajamas, guest toothbrush, and guest slippers, and get out of here. It's time for you to be suspended.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Mole

Jake: But more importantly, what does the "J" stand for? James? John? Jo-Jo?
Captain Holt: My middle name is more important to you than being suspended?
Jake: If it's Jo-Jo? Yes.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Mole

Captain Holt: Unfortunately, we don't have any hard proof that they're working together.
Jake: Well, lucky for you, proof is my middle name. And yours is Jared. Juice box. Jellyfish. Jamiroquai!

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Mole

Captain Holt: Miller may be in Internal Affairs, but he wasn't here on official business. You sent him to spy on us. That's a flagrant ethics violation, Madeline. And it could sink you.
Madeline Wuntch: Fine, you're right. But you can't prove that. It's just your word against mine.
Jake: Ooh, actually, it's your word against you. Pardon me. I put a recording device in this dope drive, so I got your whole conversation.
Captain Holt: You're going to leave my precinct and my task force alone. Or else... You're Wuntch meat.
Jake: You sure you wanna go with that one?
Captain Holt: Absolutely. It's hilarious.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode The Mole

Rosa: And hey, you should never worry about your kids. You're the best dad I know. Cagney and Lacey are gonna grow up great.
Sergeant Jeffords: You think so?
Rosa: 100%.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're right. They're gonna be twin presidents. They'll either run as one person and trick everyone, or they'll run as two and they'll serve for sixteen consecutive years. It's a damned dynasty.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Mole

Gina: Can I have everyone's attention, please. Charles Boyle and I had sex.
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell?
Charles: Gina, what are you doing?
Gina: Amy was right. People will be shocked, and then they'll get over it and we can move on. At least this way, I get to control how it gets out. I'm about to Olivia pope this sitch.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Mole

Gina: First off, I would like to remind you all about several notable men from my past. The rock-climbing backpacker, the underwear model, the guy who looked like Tywin Lannister. I bring these men to mind so you can appreciate this dalliance for what it was, an outlier. I will now take questions.
Hitchcock: How was the sex?
Gina: Gross.
Hitchcock: The sex was gross, or I'm gross?
Gina: You're gross. The sex was adequate.
Rosa: How many times did you do it?
Gina: 16 and a third. Don't ask, can't explain.
Charles: I have a question. Do you have any regrets?
Gina: No. It was pretty fun. Thank you so much for coming out today.

Quote from Charles in the episode The Mole

Jake: Hey, I should've said this last night, but your first casual relationship nice work!
Charles: I know! I didn't even propose to her once.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Mole

Charles: Jake, I'm so sorry I lied to you. I mean, I wanted to tell you so badly. But I promised Gina I wouldn't tell anyone.
Jake: You kept a promise to a friend. That sounds like the Charles I know. Just like I know everyone here.
Captain Holt: Yes, you do. Although, there is something you didn't know about me. My middle name... is Jacob.
Jake: What..?

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Halloween II

Jake: Hey there, Captain. Just curious, do you happen to know what today is?
Captain Holt: Well, based on the fact that yesterday was the birthday of legendary Dutch floutist Franz Brüggen and a week ago was October 24th, I'd say today was-
Jake: It's Halloween. Just say it's Halloween.
Captain Holt: It's Halloween.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Halloween II

Captain Holt: Just to clarify. If you steal my watch by midnight, I will do your paperwork for a week, but if you fail, you will give me five weeks of overtime for free.
Jake: Correct.
Captain Holt: I'm doing a cost/benefit analysis in my head. The benefits outweigh the costs. We have reached an accord.

Quote from Jake in the episode Halloween II

Jake: Fingers has grabbed the package. I didn't mean for that to sound so dirty.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Halloween II

Sergeant Jeffords: Gina! What the hell? I defended you, and your urgent matter was just practising for some stupid dance show?
Gina: Look, I can't help it if my life is literally a Step Up movie.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, is it? Well then I suggest you think of this moment as the montage where you buckle down and take your job seriously so your boss doesn't kill you.

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