Jake: You're out? I'm in the finals? And all I have to do to get Katie's number is beat Amy? Oh, that's nothing. Hey! Don't you dare touch Amy Junior. That's right. It's your baby!
Amy: Are you sayin' I knocked you up?
Jake: You sure did!

Rosa: You spent the whole day flirting with Amy.
Jake: Yeah, we're joking around because we're friends now that I've moved on.
Rosa: Then prove it. Beat Amy and don't flirt with her at all.
Jake: Fine. Easy. But you better tell Katie to clear her schedule out Thursday for a date, 'cause I am working nights until then, and the following weekend, I am out of town. Let's do this!

Charles: Hey, Jake.
Jake: Hey, Charles.
Charles: Who's this with me?
Jake: Hitchcock?
Charles: Well, we should go now.
[later:]
Hitchcock: Wow! What a high! Do you guys feel this way all the time?

Madeline Wuntch: Chief Fisker. Sergeant Jeffords. Raymond.
Captain Holt: Deputy chief Wuntch. I didn't realize you'd be attending.
Madeline Wuntch: I can tell. You have more of a fly-catching gape than usual.

Gina: On your mark, get Seth- Rogen! Contestants must make it past the barricade hurdles then use a bean bag gun to get a snack. You will eat the snack in its entirety. Next, head down to the first floor where you will locate a pamphlet about bullying. Then print out a picture of me using a laptop from 1982 whoever grabs their printout first is the winner!

Captain Holt: What's going on here?
Sergeant Jeffords: Someone answer him now! Santiago! Peralta! Boyle?
Charles: Hitchcock is very handsome.
Hitchcock: Why, thank you, Boyle.

Captain Holt: No one has anything to say?
Rosa: Captain, what you just saw was the Jimmy Jab games. It's a bunch of dumb contests we play to kill the time. Nobody even cares who wins.
Amy: I won!
Rosa: It's stupid, but we like it.

Charles: I can't do this. I can't make you look cool.
Hitchcock: Because you're afraid that Jake and I are gonna cut you out. Well, you're not wrong.

Rosa: Hey, you gave it a good try. Sorry you lost.
Jake: No. It's for the best. I let Amy win. You're right. I'm not over her.

Jake: Fingers has grabbed the package. I didn't mean for that to sound so dirty.

Jake: Hey, I'm about to sit down with internal affairs. I figure that I will charm them with a couple of quips about my own internal affairs. Talking about my tum-tum.

Gina: We hooked up once last summer and then the nightmare started again about a month ago.

Charles: Ever since then it's been orgasm city.
Jake: Urgh.
Amy: Yeuck.
Gina: Eww.

Jake: Kev!
Kevin: Jake, it's after midnight. This had better be about a murder.
Jake: No. I wish.

Jake: Why would I be the mole?
Captain Holt: You were just caught sneaking classified material into the precinct. You spent six months undercover in the mafia and have many criminal contacts. You've been known to flaunt departmental rules and regulations, and you are deeply in debt.
Jake: Well, if you hadn't tricked me into getting car insurance, I wouldn't be in debt.