Jake: Man, I forgot how long your signature takes. I'm just gonna watch Braveheart on my phone, real quick.

Jake: There's a barn?
Captain Holt: What is your fascination with barns?
Jake: It's where all the awesome standoffs happen. Rusty farm equipment, light shining through bullet holes. I'll bet you at least one dove takes flight in slow mo.
Captain Holt: I will take that bet because that's impossible.

Scully: Question: How much does it cost to raise a sunken ship?
Hitchcock: Answer: Less than a casino makes in a year. Hopefully.

Amy: Oh my God, he is so old.
Charles: He's not that old. His nurse isn't even full time.
Amy: He couldn't pull off a bank job. He couldn't pull off the cap on his medicine.

Jake: RICO stands for Racketeering Investigative Cop Owesome.
Captain Holt: I have to ask. Do you think awesome beginst with an O?
Jake: Yes.

Jake: I can't see the tow-truck any more. Charles, how come you're so much slower than a car?

Charles: Yes! I made number two! I hear it. Why would I ever say that?

Gina: And, Amy, you don't know this 'cause I don't necessarily enjoy talking to you, but in my early 20s, I too battled an addiction.

Jake: Great news, my friend. We have a bathroom pet. His name is Horace, and he's either a small rat or a large cockroach, and he's either sleeping or dead.

Gina: Attention everyone. The tragic sound you hear is the shredding of my spandi. Gina Linetti will never dance again.

Captain Holt: You didn't want me to fail. You wanted me to succeed.
Madeline Wuntch: That's right. I was looking for an excuse to promote you to a desk job and you handed it to me on a silver platter with your little rat hands.
Captain Holt: Oh, no.
Madeline Wuntch: Say goodbye to the Nine-Nine, Raymond. I'm making you Head of NYPD Public Relations.

Amy: Hello, Detective Santiago, magnet school alumna.

Gina: Ugh. I didn't strike you when you said knocking boots, but Bone Bros. I can not abide.

Jake: And Boyle, as requested, you will be the deuce. Although, I still think you should reconsider that codename.
Charles: No. Deuce. It's like ace but twice as cool.
Jake: It is not. It's a turd.

Sergeant Jeffords: School is cool. That's why it rhymes.