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Quote from Jake in the episode The Bank Job

Rosa: We can make fake cocaine for ourselves out of vitamin B powder.
Jake: Ooh, vitamin B. The second-best vitamin.

Quote from Charles in the episode The Bank Job

Charles: You guys, I found out why Gina lied about the non-disclosure agreement.
Sergeant Jeffords: Because of how invasive and crazy you are?
Charles: Oh, Terry, you gullible little rube.It's because of which cousin it is. That's right. I found out which Boyle seed did the deed.

Quote from Milton in the episode The Bank Job

Gina: What're you doing here?
Milton: Thought I would take my warrior goddess out to a surprise dinner.
Charles: Oh, is the surprise that you can afford dinner since you dropped out of high school?
Milton: I left after junior year to be a professional snowboarder.
Gina: And now he owns a winter apparel company that donates snow to the poor.
Milton: Water.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Bank Job

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Oh, wow, that's good stuff. Who's your guy?
Jake: Actually, it's a woman. Women can be drug dealers too #lmWithHer.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Bank Job

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Here.
Jake: Oh, no, I'm good. Not to be snobby, but I got my own stash. It's the bomb. Smuggled this vial in on a plane. Stuck it right up my butt. [laughs] Want some?
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: No, thanks. I'm good with the non-butt coke.
Jake: Suit yourself.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Bank Job

Rosa: Everybody down! [guns cocking]
Jake: I called that. Everybody down! It's not as good. They're already down.
Rosa: Palms on the floor! I wanna see your hands!
Jake: I also wanna see your hands! You're taking all the good lines.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Jake: Okay, update on our trial prep. This is our lawyer, Samuel Miller, who, in many ways, is in charge of our defense.
Samuel Miller: In every way.
Jake: Well, "many" is part of "every." I'm facing 15 years in prison. Just let me have this.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Samuel Miller: So, prosecution's case is strong. You two were caught red-handed robbing a bank by one of the NYPD's most esteemed detectives in front of two dozen eyewitnesses.
Sergeant Jeffords: Right, but can't Captain Holt just testify he knew you were trying to take down Hawkins from the inside?
Jake: Unfortunately, no. Legally you can't testify for your best friend.
Captain Holt: That's not a law.
Jake: No? Sam?
Samuel Miller: Not a law.
Jake: Well, point is, he didn't deny we're best friends.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Jake: Doesn't matter anyway. We don't need your testimony, because we have the meat fork.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Our two-pronged defense. Not unlike a fork you would use to flip a steak on a grill. It's a meat fork! Sam, explain the meat fork to them.
Samuel Miller: Again, "meat fork" is fun, but under no circumstances should anyone say that in court.
Jake: We have it if we need it.

Quote from Charles in the episode Crime & Punishment

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Boyle. How you doing there, bud?
Charles: I'm fine. I'm great.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I hear your mouth say that, but the rest of your head is telling a different story. Feels like the stress of the upcoming trial is starting to get to you.
Charles: Oh, is this about my hair turning white?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes, definitely.
Charles: It's not just the head hair. It's all of it. All. Of. It.
Sergeant Jeffords: I get it.
Charles: It's like an Eagles concert down there. Nothing but whites.
Sergeant Jeffords: Understood. You got white pubes.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Amy: Hey. Big day. How you feeling?
Jake: Good. Good. I was just working on my innocent face. Check it out.
"I'm a nice boy."
Amy: Oh, no. I don't think that's doing what you want it to at all.
Jake: Oh. Well, it doesn't matter, because my normal face is my innocent face, because I'm innocent.

Quote from Gina in the episode Crime & Punishment

Gina: Okay, the jurors found that super compelling. Just an update.
Jake: Thanks, Gina.
Gina: So, like, you're not making a good first impression.
Jake: Right. Thank you.
Gina: No doubt.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Samuel Miller: Objection. Conjecture!
Jake: Sustained. Sorry, you say it.
Judge Marinovich: Sustained.
Jake: We both sounded equally authoritative.

Quote from Jake in the episode Crime & Punishment

Amy: So we need to break in to the bank's computers. We need a hacker. Does anyone know a hacker?
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle does.
Charles: I'm Boyle! I get to help! Oh, my God. I can feel my legs again. I can walk.
Jake: Yes! It's a miracle kind of.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Crime & Punishment

Sergeant Jeffords: Here are the account numbers for the bank where the money showed up. Now, we're in a real hurry. You think you can trace it back to its source?
Pandemic: Are you questioning my abilities? Watch this. What's your name?
Sergeant Jeffords: Why do you need-
Charles: Terrence Vincent Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait. What's happening?
Pandemic: You're getting hacked, bro. That's what's happening.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't do that.
Pandemic: I'm in your home computer.
Sergeant Jeffords: You are? Get out.
Pandemic: You got a lot of songs by Natalie Imbruglia.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, I bought those back in the '90s.
Pandemic: Nope. Downloaded on Thursday.

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