Season 4 Quotes Page 87 of 89

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Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: You half-assed living in Florida, and you half-assed getting the phone back. You've probably blown our cover, which means the marshals will have to move us. And when they do, I'm gonna demand they send us to different cities, because I don't want you anywhere near me.
Jake: I swapped the phones.
Captain Holt: What?
Jake: I got the video. Sorry. I won't bother you anymore. Bye, Greg.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Taylor: Damn, Greg, you are killing it as assistant manager. I mean, having the idea to have people come in at 9:00 a.m. that has really helped business.
Captain Holt: Yes, that is when the sign says we're open.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Taylor: Look, there's one other thing. Now that you're management, I need you to promise me that you're gonna lay off the drugs. Just a little. I don't want to kill your whole stoney vibe or anything.
Captain Holt: I'll try.
Taylor: Thank you. You keep this up, and I genuinely believe that you could be night manager in, like, two to three years.
Captain Holt: Yes. Two or three years. Here. In Florida.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Hi, I hear you're the man to talk to about the XTR-XP 49789WJ8-09 Xtreme four-wheel drive Z-Cat.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Jake: Sir, I'm gonna stop you right there. I think you might be more comfortable speaking with one of our other associates.
Captain Holt: No, no, I need to talk to this particular associate and apologize for saying he half-assed his ATV sales technique.
Jake: Well, that's very nice, but I've moved on, and I'm with customers, so thanks.
Captain Holt: [to the customers] These machines are death traps. If you purchase one, you will be maimed.
Jake: [laughs] You won't be maimed. Most of the injuries are internal.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: I don't think your wrist is supposed to move like that.
Jake: No, it's been like this since I broke it playing football in high school. Fine, I petted a horse too hard.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: If that woman posts her camera phone video that she took with a camera phone camera to the Internet, Figgis could figure out where we are.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: This is your fault.
Jake: Or maybe it's your fault for stealing my files. You know what? It doesn't matter. We have to get that video. Can we please just press pause on this fight and work together?
Captain Holt: Yes, on one condition: you stay the hell away from my walking group.
Jake: The walking group meant nothing to me.
Captain Holt: That's even worse!

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Jake: What did this lady look like?
Captain Holt: White, female, 5'3", T-shirt that read, "Orgasm Donor."
Jake: We need more.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Jake: Okay, we got teenagers stealing a stuffed gorilla, old lady siphoning gas out of a go-kart, junkie ripping copper wires out of the wall God, this place is messed up.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: What did you find?
Jake: Not much. Camera was behind her. But look at her calf. It's a tattoo of Jesus punching bin Laden in the nuts.
Captain Holt: Hmm. Maybe a local tattoo artist will recognize it. It can't be that common.
Hestus: That's the most common tattoo we give.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Hestus: Actually, you know what? That's a high school graduation ring. Dan Marino High, class of 2003.
Jake: Marino High, home of the Dolphins, I suspect.
Hestus: Nope, Pet Detectives. Town was really into Marino's cameo in Ace Ventura.
Jake: Ah, it stands to reason. Classic film, one of my childhood favorites. And it only gets overtly transphobic at the very end, so a win.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Hestus: But you guys getting ink, or what?
Captain Holt: No, I already have a tattoo.
Jake: What? Where? Why? How? When?
Captain Holt: I will never talk about it again.
[Jake groans]

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Jake: Okay, now all we have to do is go to Dan Marino High and get all the personal info on the class of 2003 and then show each other our tattoos.
Captain Holt: Never going to happen.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: We're not cops anymore. How are we gonna get access to those files?
Jake: Easy: I walk in there dressed as an exterminator saying I'm from 1-2-3 Pest Removal. Secretary's like, "Never heard of you." Then I'm like, [Scottish accent:] "Listen, lassie, it's best you let me speak with your principal." I hear it. I'm gonna drop the accent. She takes me to see the principal you walk in behind me and download the file.
Captain Holt: The only question is, where are we gonna find an exterminator's outfit?
Jake: We're gonna need khaki pants and a khaki shirt.
Captain Holt: To my casual wear closet.

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