Captain Holt: You half-assed living in Florida, and you half-assed getting the phone back. You've probably blown our cover, which means the marshals will have to move us. And when they do, I'm gonna demand they send us to different cities, because I don't want you anywhere near me.
Jake: I swapped the phones.
Captain Holt: What?
Jake: I got the video. Sorry. I won't bother you anymore. Bye, Greg.

Taylor: Damn, Greg, you are killing it as assistant manager. I mean, having the idea to have people come in at 9:00 a.m. that has really helped business.
Captain Holt: Yes, that is when the sign says we're open.

Taylor: Look, there's one other thing. Now that you're management, I need you to promise me that you're gonna lay off the drugs. Just a little. I don't want to kill your whole stoney vibe or anything.
Captain Holt: I'll try.
Taylor: Thank you. You keep this up, and I genuinely believe that you could be night manager in, like, two to three years.
Captain Holt: Yes. Two or three years. Here. In Florida.

Captain Holt: Hi, I hear you're the man to talk to about the XTR-XP 49789WJ8-09 Xtreme four-wheel drive Z-Cat.

Jake: Sir, I'm gonna stop you right there. I think you might be more comfortable speaking with one of our other associates.
Captain Holt: No, no, I need to talk to this particular associate and apologize for saying he half-assed his ATV sales technique.
Jake: Well, that's very nice, but I've moved on, and I'm with customers, so thanks.
Captain Holt: [to the customers] These machines are death traps. If you purchase one, you will be maimed.
Jake: [laughs] You won't be maimed. Most of the injuries are internal.

Jake: What is this all about? I've been staying away from you; I got a job.
I'm trying to make the best of it, just like you said.
Captain Holt: Well, don't bother. Making the best of it sucks. I want to go home. This town is a crap circus.

Jake: What has gotten into you? You clearly got the promotion like you wanted. Congratulations, by the way. The blue looks great on you.

Captain Holt: Can I take this for a test drive?
Jake: Yeah, sure. The ignition is here.
Captain Holt: I've ridden ATVs before antiquing in the Berkshires.

Captain Holt: What if we don't find Figgis? What if Figgis finds us? [holds up a smart phone]
Jake: But I thought you deleted the file.
Captain Holt: I was going to, but this camera phone camera is not the same kind of camera phone camera as I have, so I couldn't figure out how.

Captain Holt: I say we post this video and use it to lure Figgis down here, making ourselves into bait.
Jake: And once Figgis is here, we take him down, climb out of America's steaming orifice, and go home. I like the way you're thinking, Greg.
Captain Holt: It's Holt. Captain Raymond Holt. Now come and get us, Figgis.