Amy: I don't understand, who took it?
Rosa: We haven't heard from Charles in an hour. Maybe he betrayed The Tramps. Oh, God, I just called us The Tramps. What have I become?

Captain Holt: Boyle?
Charles: [crying] Nikolaj is a picky eater! I lied about his palate. All he drinks is milk. All he eats is buttered noodles.
Captain Holt: And perhaps my walnut pie?
Charles: I wish. He hates nuts. My son is a basic bitch.

Amy: Ready for a kick-ass assignment?
Rosa: Hell yeah. Let's do this. Wait, what do you mean by "kick-ass"?
Amy: Holt wants us to get that block party permit.
Rosa: Damn it. I guess I'll take the knife out of my pants.

Rosa: So, were you able to cancel my cable?
Captain Holt: Of course. It was easy.
Rosa: Good, because I have something else. I need you to take my dog to Argentina to be with Adrian on his ranch. Now, I know what you're gonna ask me, and the answer is no, I don't have a map of the booby traps, but I can tell you how he thinks.

Rosa: I spent the whole night riding my bike, just thinking and riding, riding and thinking. Also, I drank some water from the stream.

Adrian Pimento: Anyway, you know that if you guys want to get in touch with me, there's easier ways than burning down your truck, right?
Charles: What? Burning down my truck?
Adrian Pimento: Yeah, it's obviously arson, you did it, you're not gonna get a dime and are probably gonna go to jail. So what's going on with you guys? Give me that juicy Nine-Nine goss, am I right?

Roger Peralta: The Santiagos are here. Feliz Thanksgiving. How was the trip in? The flight must have been awful.
Jake: Hey, Dad?
Roger Peralta: This holiday is the worst.
Jake: Could we just press pause on that and maybe get some pants?
Roger Peralta: Fine. I'll put on some pants.

Jake: If you would all take a seat while I make a toast. Kindly raise your two liters. To freedom, to you, and most importantly, to orange drank. And sex with Amy.
All: To sex with Amy!
Jake: Sorry. Shouldn't have said that last part.

Adrian Pimento: Say it with me, Jake. You've been-
Jake: Denied!
Adrian Pimento: Butt-slammed!
Adrian Pimento: Wait, what?
Jake: Denied, like the stamp?
Adrian Pimento: Oh, that is so much better. "Butt-slammed" is so stupid.

Captain Holt: We need your help, Gina.
Gina: Gina, ugh, I haven't heard that name in a long time.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's on your jacket.
Gina: I know, but no one says it out loud and my baby can't read. Which, I'm told is normal for a ten-week-old.

Oscar Diaz: Sing the song.
Jake: "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz Rosa Diaz, Rosa Diaz Diaz Rosa, Rosa Diaz Diaz, you are so cool."
Rosa: Sounds better with a guitar.

Jake: Then why'd you do it?
Captain Holt: I'm compromised. I made a decision a while ago, and now some people are holding it over my head. I'm afraid of what they'll ask me to do if I become Commissioner.
Jake: You're compromised? How did this happen, Mr. Prevailing Traffic and Road Conditions?
Captain Holt: It doesn't matter.
Amy: Seamus Murphy.
Jake: What?
Amy: Seamus Murphy, the gangster. He offered me info that would get you and Rosa out of prison, in exchange for a favor. And Holt told me to turn it down, because he said it was too risky. But you didn't turn it down, did you, Captain?
Captain Holt: No, I did not.

Jake: Right, except for one thing: I also put a bug in the keys.
Charles: Of course he did. Guy's got more bugs up his sleeve than Oogie Boogie.
Jake: Don't get the reference.
Charles: Nightmare Before Christmas.
Jake: Oh.

Charles: Bye-bye "Toxic". Bye-bye "Party in the USA".
Amy: Hey, Charles. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm deleting all the upbeat music off my computer.
Amy: I know you're down, but-
Charles: Bye-bye "Swish Swish Bish".

Charles: What is happening right now?!
Jake: They caught Hawkins trying to flee the country. She confessed to everything, and they let me out.
Amy: Oh, my God, Jake, is it really you? Are you really here?
Jake: You know it, baby. But first I gotta hug my best friend.
Charles: Yeah.
Amy: What?