Amy: Maybe it was Terry who sent the flowers!
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, I really wanted to spend $2,000 on Valentine's Day not for my wife.
Charles: Ah, he admitted it!

Jake: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Easter Valentine's Day Halloween heist!

Jake: We will once again pick up where we left off. The Infinitude Gems...
Sergeant Jeffords: You guys are still doing this? You know it's April now.
Jake: Yeah, Terry, we're still doing it, and we're still having a great time.
Rosa: Why are the gems so pale?
Jake: I guess Scully's insides zapped all the color out of them? I don't know, babe. You're undercutting my whole thing with Terry here.

Charles: This is incredible. How'd you do it, Rosa?
Rosa: Well, back on Halloween, I knew Jake would make the first move, and I had to be ready.
Jake: You were hiding in the fog. It wasn't Holt that put that chair in my pathway.
Captain Holt: No, I did. I wanted to be the one who was responsible for our victory.
Jake: What?
Captain Holt: We already lost. There's no point in trying to maintain team morale now.
Jake: Dick.

Rosa: I marked the gems with ham again, and everything pushed to Easter when I could finally get rid of Scully as my partner.
[flashback:]
Rosa: Doctor, I'm willing to pay you to tell Norm Scully not to participate...
Dr. Millford Cream: Participate? No, no, no. Norm Scully should not be participating in any activities. He could die. I'll go call him right now.
[present:]
Rosa: Now I finally had a teammate whose hand I could cut off. Just needed a little help from Terry.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Boy, that thing's pretty heavy, huh?
Rosa: Did you bring the tools?
[present:]
Captain Holt: But you were retired. You were loving your smoothies.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, but after a while, I felt left out. And if I'm being honest, the smoothies weren't even that good.
Rosa: I wonder why that was. Maybe it's because I hammed your smoothie.
Hitchcock: Am I the only one who didn't get fed ham this year?

Rosa: Anyway, then I grabbed the gems, jumped off the roof, and wrote my name in flames.
Captain Holt: Wait, why did you keep delaying the heist? Couldn't you have just won at Halloween?
Rosa: Oh, I did. These are the real Halloween gems. I switched them out before Cheddar found them. I also won on Valentine's Day. I switched those gems out before I gave them to Scully. And then I won today. So while you nerds are always arguing about who the only two-time champion is...
Jake, Amy & Holt: Me.
Rosa: I just became the first three-time champion. I guess there's just one thing left to do.
[later:]
Jake: To Rosa Diaz, an amazing human/genius.
All: To Rosa Diaz.

Jake: Well, you did it, but always remember one thing. Those gems were in Scully's butt.
Rosa: How dare you.
Jake: I know. I'm happy for you, I guess. I don't know.

Sergeant Jeffords: Come on, Terry. You can pick up that paper. [strained groan] No, forget it. It's only a first offence.
Charles: Is everything okay, Lieutenant? You've been groaning all morning.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm sore from my workout. My muscles hurt so bad. Look. [flexes his pecs] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Amy: Oh, Rosa, there she is. The Snoog! Look at those sexy lines. Oh, I just wanna get behind that thing and push.
Rosa: Aw, man, you're grossing me out.

Amy: Hi, I'm Amy Santiago.
Gloria: I am so sorry, but pregnant women aren't allowed to compete. Not after what happened last year. [long silence]
Amy: Are you gonna say what happened?
Gloria: It's part of the settlement. We can't.
Amy: Okay. Well, uh, good news: I'm not pregnant! I just had a huge lunch.
Gloria: I'm so sorry, I just can't.

Gloria: Wow, five hours. This is the most exciting contest we've had. Of course, the incident last year was exciting, but we all know how that ended. [inhales]
Amy: No. We don't.
Gloria: Right. Because of the gag order.

Teddy: Ooh, guys, you will never believe who I saw at Bush Gardens last summer: my neighbor. Yeah? Just walking around.

Teddy: Excuse me. Amy. You can have the stroller for the right price.
Amy: Okay, how much?
Teddy: Amy Santiago, will you marry me?
Amy: No!

Charles: Okay, between us, I think we made enough broth.
Sergeant Jeffords: Did you edit the presentation like I asked?
Charles: You mean did I remove the tasteful photos of me stretching?
Sergeant Jeffords: They weren't tasteful! You were in a thong.

Sergeant Jeffords: Not only is it delicious, it's high in amino acids, and low in sodium.
Charles: Well, not exactly low in sodium. It definitely has salt in it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not in the batch I made. I left it out. Terry doesn't like to get all bloaty.
Charles: You left out the salt? That stops the fermentation. The salt keeps it stable.
[glass explodes]
Charles: Oh, ah!
Kenneth: God, what is happening?
Charles: They're all gonna blow!
Sergeant Jeffords: Take cover! [glass explodes] So, uh, do we have a deal? [glass explodes, all scream]