Captain Holt: I've just come back from One Police Plaza, and I have some good news.
Jake: The union voted and O'Sullivan's out?
Captain Holt: No, he was reelected for life, which I didn't think was technically possible.
Captain Holt: But the good news is, the commissioner has approved our police reform program and will be implementing it citywide.
Sergeant Jeffords: Citywide?
Charles: Wow!
Jake: That's amazing.
Captain Holt: Yes, I know. It is exciting. But there's no guarantee that it'll work. There's a lot of resistance to change. Nevertheless, it's our duty to try because if we don't, then we are truly lost. Which is why I will not be retiring. I have been appointed deputy commissioner of police reform.

Captain Holt: Thank you, and since I don't want work to consume my life and this is a big job, so I will need some help, which is why I'd like to bring you along, Santiago, with a well-deserved promotion to chief. If you're interested.
Amy: Wait, what? I'm gonna be a chief?
Jake: Terry, you might wanna step aside, 'cause there's a dork dance a-coming.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, damn.
Amy: Whoo! [dances] Yes! Gonna be a chief.
Jake: We share a marital bed.

Jake: So... we're good?
Amy: Yeah, we're good.
Jake: Oh, thank God, I spent so much money on this plan.
Amy: How much money, Jake?
Jake: I mean, not an insane amount. Mac definitely has to go to state college now, but the important thing is we're on the same page.

[flashback:]
Amy: 'Kay, but why are we on different teams?
Jake: Because in order for this to work, we absolutely have to win the first leg of the heist. It doubles our chances.
Amy: Got it, so basically we just have to keep Holt from getting that tube.
Jake: Yes, indeed. I just realized we haven't been alone without Mac for like three months.
Amy: Desk?
Jake: Yep, let's do it.
Amy: All right.

Jake: Oh, no! Janitor Dan is erasing the clue!
All: No! Stop! Stop!
Janitor: You're welcome.
Jake: Damn it. I love that guy, he's so nice. Ruined the whole heist and we can't even be mad at him.

Sergeant Jeffords: Thank you for considering me. Again, I'm sorry about that interruption. I know the heist seems crazy.
Deputy Chief Williams: No, no, no. In a difficult job, it's vital to give people a chance to blow off some steam. That's just good leadership.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wow! I was sure you'd be angry. I figured this interview was over. [chuckles] What? There's a price tag on this chair.
Deputy Chief Williams: Oh, well, I must have forgotten to take it off. It's a recent purchase. You should know, Jeffords, I want to keep you here.
Sergeant Jeffords: You want to keep me here?
Deputy Chief Williams: Yes, at the NYPD.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hmm. Wait a minute. There's no light bulb in this lamp. This computer isn't even plugged in. And there is no light coming from this window. Son of a bitch! This is a fake office. It's all part of the heist!

Amy: Oh, Jake, what do we do now?
Jake: Obviously, our plans have changed a little, but the perfect goodbye is still in our sights. Our objective is the same. Get that tube from Gina before Holt does.
Amy: How do we break into an armored truck?
Rosa: [enters] What are you two doing?
Amy: Oh, sorry, Mac's done with daycare so we had the babysitter bring him by so we could say hi. 'Cause we're gonna be home late tonight, so...
Jake: Yeah, just trying to strike that heist-life balance. Isn't that right, little Mac-a-docious? Isn't that right, Mac-a-roonie?
Amy: Yeah.
Rosa: Ugh. Well, when you're done, come find me. We gotta talk strategy. [exits]
Amy: Got it.
Jake: I can't believe she fell for it.
Tiffany: So, I don't understand, you guys are paying me to babysit a fake baby?
Jake: Yeah, we're just hoping people think it's real.
Tiffany: Oh, cool. You think it's working?
Jake: I do not.

Charles: So we stick to the bottom of the truck. It's brilliant. But how do we get on?
Jake: Through a manhole outside the precinct. We just have to get Gina to stop right on top of it.
Charles: She might stop for a pedestrian. If we could figure out someone who is willing to step in front of a moving truck.
Jake: Lucky for us, we know someone will do anything for money. [claps]
Bill: Hey, guys.
Charles: Hey, Bill. Rough year?
Bill: Yeah, the pandemic was really hard on my industry.
Charles: Which is?
Bill: Nursing home seductions.
Charles: Oh, my God.
Jake: Well, like I say every heist: that's enough, Bill.

Charles: Jake, there you are.
Jake: No, no, don't come in here! Yeah, the magnet suits have a couple of drawbacks.
Charles: They look cool, though.
Jake: They look so cool! Probably still worth it.

Charles: Jake!
Jake: Hey. What's up, you okay?
Charles: Are you quitting the Nine-Nine?
Jake: What? Why would you...
Charles: I found this letter of resignation in your locker. Were you not gonna tell me? Does our friendship mean nothing to you?
Jake: Charles, I can explain.
Charles: Don't bother.
Jake: Wait, no, wait, Charles, wait a second. Charles, come back. [sighs]
Bill: Seems like someone's in the market for a new best friend.
Jake: Bill, I swear to God.
Bill: We look exactly the same. [smiles]
Jake: Guh, okay.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I've made a terrible mistake. I am sorry about your pictures and your award and your computer...
Deputy Chief Williams: And yelling that I was wearing a wig and then trying to tear out my actual hair?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, that was a compliment! It's so thick and full for a man of your age.
Deputy Chief Williams: What?
Captain Holt: Let me handle this. The truth is, Lieutenant Jeffords acted like an irresponsible, insane madman.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Deputy Chief Williams: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Captain Holt: But looking at this incident from a different angle, it shows why he'll make a great captain. He's here before you owning his mistake. When I started at the Nine-Nine, I felt I had to be seen as infallible. But he taught me the importance of being seen as human. He made me a better leader. And you would be a fool not to make him a captain.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry's touched.
Deputy Chief Williams: Yes, powerful words. As are these: happy heisting, suckas!
Both: What?
Deputy Chief Williams: Oh, you were right, this was a wig. [rips off wig] Ow. [exits]
Both: No!

Jake: There you are, my cheating my wife! Give me the tube.
Amy: I don't have it. The baby's empty. You lied to me!
Jake: I'm not the liar, you're the liar. I put a tracker in the tube so I know you've hidden it somewhere in this... nope, you were telling the truth, it's on the move. Someone else has it.

Jake: It doesn't matter what you do, Ames, you're not gonna ruin this for me.
Amy: Sorry, Jake, but I'm afraid I have to. You'll thank me later.
Jake: Wait, what does that mean?
Charles: [sits up] I know what it means! [both gasp] I heard you talking to Teddy outside the supply closet you locked me in.
Amy: Damn it! How did you get out? [soft chirping]
Jake: [gasps] Mlepnos.
Charles: Amy's throwing you the perfect goodbye.
Jake: Over my dead butt crack, she is. Although, thank you, that was a very nice thought. Now drive!

Captain Holt: But if I don't have the winning tube, who does?
Rosa: [shutters open] I do.
Gina: Yet another surprise reveal again.

Rosa: All right, who has the real tube?
Bill: I do. [shutters close] [all shouting at once]
Charles: What are you doing, Bill?
Bill: [o.s.] I'm sorry, but this is your fault for ending the heists.They're my only source of income. You're still my best friends. Goodbye!
Jake: Bill!