Charles: Don't you understand what will happen if they find out? Gina, they will banish you from the family. No more Boyle activities. No Christmas cards, no Thanksgiving cards, no Valentine's cards. That's right, imagine a Valentine's Day with no cards from your cousins.
Gina: Oh, my God. This is a dream come true. You think I can get out of all the family vacations too? Because let's be honest, Charles, Aruba was the worst thing that's ever happened. How do all 18 of you have sleep apnea?

Sergeant Jeffords: And, Gina, you can't run that space heater 24/7 anymore.
Gina: Space heater? Excuse me, this is a Fornax Radiant Comfort System, and her name is Jacinta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, well, Jacinta's gotta go.
Gina: He didn't mean that, darling.
Sergeant Jeffords: Seriously, turn off the space heater.
Gina: No.
Sergeant Jeffords: Do it, now. That's an order.
Gina: Yeah, well, you don't wanna start a battle of the wills with Gina Linetti because you will emerge from that battle a broken man. Not to brag, but I was name-checked in my kindergarten teacher's suicide note.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh my God.

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Jake: I can't believe this is happening. I didn't think there was any way she could fail the practice test.
Rosa: Well, we still have three hours until the exam.
Jake: First we gotta figure out where she is. All right, think. If you were Amy, where would you be right now?
Gina: Oh, uh, boring pantsuit store. A crossword factory? A museum of retainers and headgear? Is it possible to enter the color beige?

Charles: No, that's the Boyle family sourdough starter. It's fed us for 140 years. The bread it births is succulent and firm. Tang for days.
Gina: I hate so many of the words you just used.

Jake: Amy's not in the break room.
Rosa: Or the evidence room.
Hitchcock: Or the ladies' bathroom. You know what? I'll check again.
Rosa: I've never seen him walk with such purpose. What a wretched man.