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Quote from the episode Pontiac Bandit

Terry: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.

Quote from the episode The Bet

Hitchcock: What bet? What are you guys talking about?
Terry: Seriously? The bet? They've been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day?!
Hitchcock: Nothing. Why, you want to hang out?

Quote from the episode Ava

Scully: Hey, if you need more fax machines, there's a ton of them in that storage room where I go to take a nap.
Amy: What? Why didn't you say something?
Hitchcock: And once again, Hitchcock and Scully save the day.
Amy: You didn't do anything. It was all Scully.
Hitchcock: We're a package deal, everyone knows that.

Quote from the episode The Apartment

Hitchcock: Not to brag, but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests. Would have 20 but we only got 14.
Captain Holt: That's not enough arrests.
Hitchcock: Well, no one asked you. It's a self-evaluation.

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Jake: So you just want us to lie on the ground and do nothing like a bunch of losers?
Agent Kendrick: Yes, precisely.
Jake: No!
Hitchcock: Jackpot!

Quote from the episode The Big House Pt. 2

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Quote from the episode The Big House Pt. 2

Sergeant Jeffords: Could we put a mirroring app on her phone so we could watch everything she does?
Hitchcock: Oh, those work great, but you have to physically have her phone to install it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Quote from the episode Two Turkeys

Captain Holt: I saw what you did this morning when you deduced the contents of my bakery box. Impressive. Now I need to use your skills to find my pie.
Hitchcock: It's about time you came to us.
Scully: Here's what we need from you. A list of the pie's ingredients.
Hitchcock: We're looking for anything that might linger on someone's breath.
Scully: We need surveillance footage from the water fountain, the crumb consistency was dry. Whoever ate it's gonna be thirsty.
Hitchcock: Now what kind of crimped edge are we dealing with here? U-shaped or V?
Captain Holt: I don't know.
Hitchcock: Well, then get on the damned phone and find out.

Quote from the episode Thanksgiving

Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

Quote from the episode The Road Trip

Rosa: (Answering Hitchock's phone) Hello. No, there's no Michael here. You have the wrong number. Good-bye.
Hitchcock: I'm Michael.
Rosa: That's a dumb name, but it's yours, and you should be proud of it because you are the greatest Detective I've ever known.
Hitchcock: No doy, Diaz. No doy.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: Wow, without the bubbles you can really see everything.
Hitchcock: Eyes up here, Peralta.

Quote from the episode Ava

Jake: Hey, you guys came.
What about all the paperwork?
Amy: We got it all in. Filed 900 forms by hand in under 12 hours. It was tough, but worth it.
We wouldn't have missed this.
Boyle: Also, we had to go to the ER anyway. Hitchcock's arm was mangled by the tube.
Hitchcock: I'm in unspeakable pain.

Quote from the episode Bureau

Sergeant Jeffords: The briefing was a week ago. Just tell us everyone you talked to since then.
Hitchcock: Well, let's see. On Saturday, I got together with my friends, and we went to the dog track.
Sergeant Jeffords: We need names.
Hitchcock: I lied. There's not multiple friends. It's just Scully.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Hitchcock: Oh, if you want calm, there's some ludes in evidence, if anybody would ever let me get them out.

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Sergeant Jeffords: We've got to make this place kid-friendly. No crime scene photos lying about.
Hitchcock: That's not a crime scene. That's a boudouir photo I'm having framed for my wife. That's me underneath the mask.

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