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Quote from the episode 99

Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!

Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Jake: But, look, I know it seems like everything sucks, but why don't we just get married tomorrow? You know, we won't have a venue or a band or any of our guests, but we could go to city hall.
Amy: Jake, do you really want to get married in the same place people go to get restraining orders?
Jake: Amy Santiago, I would marry you any time, any place. I would marry you in the steaming filth of the Gowanus Canal.
Amy: Sweet. But also, gross.
Jake: I would marry you on the G Train in the summertime when the air conditioning is broken.
Amy: Damn, really?
Jake: I would marry you on top of the Empire State Building.
Amy: Well, that sounds kind of nice.
Jake: During a King Kong attack.
Amy: Oh, yeah, that's not good. Okay. City hall it is.

Quote from the episode The Favor

Rosa: I've never met anyone who cares so much about stupid bureaucracy.
Amy: Bureaucracy is not stupid. It's elegant. It's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked. Every rule, every form has its purpose. It all fits together, and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture, it's like staring into the face of God.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Quote from the episode Your Honor

Amy: Huh? No, I wasn't listening to either of you. Look who's in Captain Holt's office.
Jake: Who that lady?
Amy: You are looking at the Second Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Laverne Holt.
Charles: Captain Holt's mom.
Jake: The creator.
Amy: Widowed at age 39, Laverne Kinnebrew Holt single-handedly raised two children and still managed to become one of the first black, female federal judges.
Jake: Wow, someone read her Wikipedia page.
Amy: No, Jake, I wrote it.

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Amy: Oh my God, she's totally gonna flunk us. I haven't gotten an F since I failed recess in second grade. "Teachers need a break too, Amy".

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Amy: Hello, friends. Who here would like to see a presentation of crime statistics as a function of demographics and time? Who wants to see a picture of a dead body?

Quote from the episode The Party

Amy: Sergeant, I'm learning so much. We both have blue hand towels. We have the same microwave. And, once I buy coasters made out of geodes, we'll both have those.

Quote from the episode Honeymoon

Captain Holt: What the hell is going on?
Jake: I can't let you quit.
Captain Holt: Yes, but why the candles and rose petals?
Jake: Wuh-oh.
Amy: Is that Mr. McClane I hear? 'Cause someone's about to Die Har- Oh, my God.
Why is Captain Holt here?
Jake: Because he's gonna- Wait, are you dressed like Bonnie Bedelia in "Die Hard?"
Amy: I am.
Jake: For sexy reasons?
Amy: Yes.
Jake: Oh, boy.

Quote from the episode Kicks

Rosa: And now I don't know what to do.
Amy: I think you do know what to do.
Rosa: Thanks, Amy. (leaves the room)
Amy: I have no idea what she's gonna do but that's the safest way to give Rosa advice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yep.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Terry stare at Scully* Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Amy: Okay, well. I've been planning this wedding for the last six months.
And if you told me yesterday everything that was gonna go wrong, I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER. But I'm here, and I've never been happier. Life is unpredictable. Not everything's in our control. But as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. But I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
Jake: What?
Amy: Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.

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