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Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Amy: I may be a liar, but I've got great teeth and no one can take that from me.
Dentist: Have you heard of over-brushing?
Amy: Oh, no.
Dentist: Your aggressive technique has stripped away the protective enamel and much of your gum. You have seven cavities.
Captain Holt: I have to say. I feel like you deserve this.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Terry stare at Scully* Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Quote from the episode 99

Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!
Jake: I love her.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: It'll cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.

Quote from the episode The Puzzle Master

Amy: What's going on, Jake?
Jake: In one week, you will officially become a sergeant. Which means this case will be the last one we ever work together as detectives, so it has to be perfect. I present to you a serial arson case.
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: And the fires seem to be connected to the Saturday crossword puzzle.
Amy: Mama like.
Jake: Two different buildings, two consecutive Saturdays, and a puzzle left at each crime scene, and a note was sent to the puzzle's author, Mr.
Melvin Stermley.
Amy: Melvin Stermley? He's the best in the game! He made a puzzle once where all the answers were just the word "puzzle" in different languages. In Estonian, it was moistatus.
Jake: Yeah, well, your moistatus is about to be hecka moist - Don't call HR, we are getting married - because Melvin Stermley is coming in to help us with the case!
Amy: Sha-wing!

Quote from the episode Christmas

Amy: Sir, I'm sure you had your reasons for going to Peralta, but this is exactly the type of job I would love to have.
Captain Holt: Okay, the next time someone threatens to kill me, I'll come straight to you.
Amy: Thank you, sir. I can't wait. I didn't mean- Let's catch this bastard.

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Jake: We can deal with this. We just need a new plan.
Amy: I got it. We lie, tell him we broke up, then date in secret.
Jake: Great! And you'd be okay lying to your captain?
Amy: Okay, new plan.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: You know, we're birds of a feather, you and I.
Captain Holt: I hate cliches.
Amy: Cliches are the worst.

Quote from the episode Halloween III

Amy: He left a tiny crack in the blind, so I could read the Captain's lips.
"Sharon and your kids will distract Jake."
They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
Captain Holt: What?
Amy: My lip-reading is not flawless.

Quote from the episode Maximum Security

Captain Holt: This facility is a violent place filled with hardened criminals We need to send someone who can blend in.
Amy: Sir, I would be honored to take on this challenging assignment. [laughter] Why is everyone laughing? I can be a badass.
Gina: You're raising your hand right now.
Amy: We're in a meeting!

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.

Quote from the episode The Honeypot

Captain Holt: As a matter of fact, I'd like to take you out tonight for a thank-you dinner.
Jake: Oh, I would love that, but I'm gonna have to take a rain check, 'cause Amy and I already have plans. Although I'm pretty sure you would approve.
[later:]
Jake: So this is a brine barrel. It's made by Josiah Wooldruff, who learned the craft from his father Jesiah Wooldruff, who in turn learned- You know what? This was a terrible idea. I'm sorry.
Amy: Don't you dare stop.
Jake: Oh. Okay. [clears throat] Josiah's cousin Joshua was a cooper, not a hooper.
Amy: Oh, mama.

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