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Quote from the episode The Mattress

Captain Holt: I want you two to go undercover as a couple to stake out the room.
You should be very convincing, given that you're currently what was it? "Smooshing booties."
Jake: Great, and thank you for saying it that way. It made us both feel very comfortable.
Amy: Sure did.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Quote from the episode Payback

Amy: I could drive.
Holt: No, you don't know where we're going. But if you'd like a cup of coffee, there's an old bakery in that neighborhood. The coffee there is terrible, but I would enjoy the nostalgia.
Amy: I love terrible coffee. Now let's put away Richard Wilcox, that no good punk.
Holt: He's 86-years-old.
Amy: You don't out grow punk, sir.

Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from the episode Defense Rests

Amy: I'm a notary. No big deal. I met the comptroller.

Quote from the episode Yippie Kayak

Amy: Shut your dumb poem mouth!

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Jake stare at Scully*
Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Captain Holt: Something to share with the rest of us, Santiago?
Amy: No, sir. I wasn't -- Peralta was the one that was talking!
Jake: God, you must've been the worst fourth grader ever.
Amy: Joke's on you! I skipped fourth grade.

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Amy: Dental emergency. I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled.
Captain Holt: Wow. You must be in a lot of pain.
Amy: Yeah. I've been in pain for days.
Captain Holt: I had no idea you were living like this.
Amy: No one knows. I am a rock. I am an island. I have lapsed into song lyrics again.

Quote from the episode Halloween III

Amy: Remember when you set off the witch? You made Captain Holt flinch, which was weird, since his door was closed. But not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug he planted at your desk.
It was in an old muffin that you never threw in the trash.
Jake: That's why people throw away garbage.
Amy: How are we together?

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Amy: That stuff with us is in the past. We talked about that.
Jake: I know, but that was before you saw me in this dope ass tux. I mean you must be freaking out.
Amy: Oh, I really am. I'm really into rented clothes. I love how many butts have been in them.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Jake: But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called-
Amy: Taxi! You actually found some?
Jake: Yup. Your CI was right.
It's popping up on the corners.
Amy: Man, my snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes.

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Amy: Not a gift, snitch. It didn't cost me anything. Just my worthless man hours.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: At least three of us must be in there at all times. It's not a party if there's not four people.
Amy: Especially between the sheets!

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Amy: I'm in! A bet which improves someone's manners? Double score.

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