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Quote from the episode 99

Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance, and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!

Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: It'll cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Amy: That stuff with us is in the past. We talked about that.
Jake: I know, but that was before you saw me in this dope ass tux. I mean you must be freaking out.
Amy: Oh, I really am. I'm really into rented clothes. I love how many butts have been in them.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Amy: Okay, well. I've been planning this wedding for the last six months.
And if you told me yesterday everything that was gonna go wrong, I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER. But I'm here, and I've never been happier. Life is unpredictable. Not everything's in our control. But as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. But I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
Jake: What?
Amy: Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.

Quote from the episode The Party

Amy: Sergeant, I'm learning so much. We both have blue hand towels. We have the same microwave. And, once I buy coasters made out of geodes, we'll both have those.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.

Quote from the episode House Mouses

Amy: But then I relaxed, and I found my inner strength. I think the lesson here is that, as women, we- (Rosa tries to close the trunk) No, no, no, no! You close that trunk again and I will kill you! You hear me? I will kill you!

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Quote from the episode Jake & Amy

Jake: I love you so much. You're my dream girl.
Amy: I love you too. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Jake: But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called-
Amy: Taxi! You actually found some?
Jake: Yup. Your CI was right.
It's popping up on the corners.
Amy: Man, my snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes.

Quote from the episode Chocolate Milk

Amy: Oh my God, she's totally gonna flunk us. I haven't gotten an F since I failed recess in second grade. "Teachers need a break too, Amy".

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Amy: Hello, Captain, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.
I've lapsed into song lyrics.

Quote from the episode Unsolvable

Amy: I may be a liar, but I've got great teeth and no one can take that from me.
Dentist: Have you heard of over-brushing?
Amy: Oh, no.
Dentist: Your aggressive technique has stripped away the protective enamel and much of your gum. You have seven cavities.
Captain Holt: I have to say. I feel like you deserve this.

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