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Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: It'll cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.

Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from the episode Boyle-Linetti Wedding

Amy: That stuff with us is in the past. We talked about that.
Jake: I know, but that was before you saw me in this dope ass tux. I mean you must be freaking out.
Amy: Oh, I really am. I'm really into rented clothes. I love how many butts have been in them.

Quote from the episode 99

Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance, and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.
m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!

Quote from the episode M.E. Time

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Terrry stare at Scully*
Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Captain Holt: I want you two to go undercover as a couple to stake out the room.
You should be very convincing, given that you're currently what was it? "Smooshing booties."
Jake: Great, and thank you for saying it that way. It made us both feel very comfortable.
Amy: Sure did.

Quote from the episode The Road Trip

Jake: I thought you guys were solid. Didn't you just get a joint Library Card?
Amy: Don't remind me. I'm going to be untangling that web for a month.

Quote from the episode The Mattress

Jake: But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called-
Amy: Taxi! You actually found some?
Jake: Yup. Your CI was right.
It's popping up on the corners.
Amy: Man, my snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from the episode Pilot

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Quote from the episode The Favor

Rosa: I've never met anyone who cares so much about stupid bureaucracy.
Amy: Bureaucracy is not stupid. It's elegant. It's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked. Every rule, every form has its purpose. It all fits together, and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture, it's like staring into the face of God.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Jake: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Amy: It's not that weird to say, "may I have some cocaine?"
Jake: It is.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Amy: Captain Holt? This can't be real. Someone please see him before I punch myself in the face.

Quote from the episode House Mouses

Amy: But then I relaxed, and I found my inner strength. I think the lesson here is that, as women, we- (Rosa tries to close the trunk) No, no, no, no! You close that trunk again and I will kill you! You hear me? I will kill you!

Quote from the episode Halloween III

Amy: Remember when you set off the witch? You made Captain Holt flinch, which was weird, since his door was closed. But not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug he planted at your desk.
It was in an old muffin that you never threw in the trash.
Jake: That's why people throw away garbage.
Amy: How are we together?

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