Quotes from ‘M.E. Time’

M.E. Time

M.E. Time
Season 1, Episode 4 - Aired October 8, 2013

When Boyle takes lead on a possible homicide, Jake's attraction to the medical examiner delays the autopsy report. Meanwhile, Amy calls on Terry's artistic skills when the sketch artist falls sick.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: You look chipper, Captain. Fun weekend?
Captain Holt: There was a small fire in my home. I lost many photo albums of treasured memories. I'm devastated.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?
Amy: We could add a horse.

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: You all right, Captain? Tough weekend?
Captain Holt: I went to Barbados with my husband. We wove hats out of palm fronds and swam with the stingrays. I've never been happier.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Well, how do you know he's even in a bad mood? It's impossible to read that guy.
-cut to-
Captain Holt: This is the most incompetent, worthless report I have ever read in my life. Get your act together, or so help me God, you won't live to see retirement.
-cut to-
Scully: It's like, what's the guy thinking? You know?

Quote from Amy

Amy: You know, we're birds of a feather, you and I.
Holt: I hate cliches.
Amy: Cliches are the worst.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. He and I are exactly the same. Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight.
Scully: Captain Holt's not gay. *Amy & Terry stare at Scully* Captain Holt's gay?
Amy: Seriously, man. Just retire.

Quote from Amy

Amy: It'll cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. He may even lean back in his chair and nod slightly.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Something to share with the rest of us, Santiago?
Amy: No, sir. I wasn't -- Peralta was the one that was talking!
Jake: God, you must've been the worst fourth grader ever.
Amy: Joke's on you! I skipped fourth grade.

Quote from Jake

Amy: You can't give up control. You're terrible at taking your primary's orders. You just do whatever you want. I could go on and on and on.
Jake: Is something no lover of yours has ever said.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Amy: Hey, sergeant, you know how you're really good at doodling?
Sergeant Jeffords: I know you think you're complimenting me, but calling them doodles is an insult. You a big fan of Picasso's doodles?

Quote from Charles

Sergeant Jeffords: You're the primary, you're in charge. Take Peralta and Diaz.
Boyle: Yes. My fantasy threesome. Of cops on a case.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Let's start with the eyes. Were they desperate, lonely? Did they betray heartache?
Victim: They were brown.
Sergeant Jeffords: Do you even want your purse back?

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know the medical examiner? I kind of had sex with her last night.
Amy: What?
Jake: Oh, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. Sex is something that two adults do with their bodies when they're attracted to each other.
Rosa: He's right, Santiago, did you not know that?

Quote from Charles

Charles: You guys have been down here for two hours. What, did you have sex forty times?

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Knock knock.
Captain Holt: Knock with your hands. Saying it is ridiculous.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wow. This guy must've weighed 500 pounds. I think we have an idea what killed him. Spoiler alert: it was not starvation.

Quote from Scully

Captain Holt: Detectives, our monthly crime statistics are due. I want all paperwork on your closed cases by tomorrow. Scully, you can just write "I didn't close any" on a piece of paper.
Scully: You got it.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Figure it out, Santiago. It's your case.
Santiago: Yes, I will do that.
Captain Holt: Are you bowing?
Santiago: No, this is how I walk.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: What do you need Quasimodo? I've got to go meet Boyle and Peralta.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Amy: Sarge, all of these are fine. How much longer are you gonna work on this?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's questions like that that made Van Gogh cut off his ear.
You can't put at a clock on art.
Ten minutes.

Quote from Rosa

Jake: Hey guys, can I tell you a secret?
Rosa: Do you know anything about my life?
Jake: No, I do not. Good point.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Scully: You could be a professional artist, boss. Like on the boardwalk.
Sergeant Jeffords: You think I should draw caricatures? That's garbage art. I don't draw giant-head people on surfboards.
Scully: I'm saying you could. You're that good.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: This is a lot of pressure. If I'm going to do this, it has to be done right.
Scully, get me my oils.

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