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Quote from the episode Sabotage

Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.

Quote from the episode Sal's Pizza

Scully: I found my gun. It was in my holster. My holster's on my butt.

Quote from the episode Sabotage

Scully: You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack.
Boyle: Never happened.
Scully: Well, someone said it to me last night. Oh, must have been my wife.

Quote from the episode Lockdown

Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious.
I call 'em "oopsies.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Jake: All right, anyone else have questions? Hitchcock, Scully, you've been weirdly silent.
Scully: We didn't want to say anything that would get us uninvited.

Quote from the episode Beach House

Hitchcock: Holt's the big fish we've been waiting for. We have an exciting investment opportunity to pitch him.
Jake: What?
Scully: It's an off-shore casino that's currently sunk off the coast of Delaware.

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Agent Kendrick: What are your demands?
Jake: A guarantee that this drill doesn't end until one of us is dead.
Boyle: Also, one large pizza with fennel sausage - brick oven, otherwise it's sog city. And Scully needs some Gasinex, extra strength.
Scully: Chewable!

Quote from the episode Sabotage

Boyle: I gotta say. You guys are good cops.
Hitchcock: Yeah, no doy. How do you think we got to be the oldest guys here?
Boyle: By never being promoted and losing all your money to divorces.
Scully: And bad investments.

Quote from the episode Sabotage

Boyle: Anyway, sorry for calling you useless. I'm gonna make sure everyone knows you did good.
Scully: Boyle, please don't.
Hitchcock: The last thing we need is to suddenly be on everyone's A-list. The ones to watch. The golden boys.
Scully: A pair of red hot dicks.
Boyle: No one calls detectives that any more.
Scully: People called detectives that?

Quote from the episode Johnny and Dora

Jake: That machine's been here for ever. It's basically part of the force. Take Scully instead.
Scully: Yes, please. Take me to the land of vending machines.

Quote from the episode Boyle's Hunch

Rosa: I'll be back. Don't move.
Scully: Not a problem. I hate moving.

Quote from the episode Payback

Jake: If anything goes wrong, Scully fake a heart attack.
Scully: What are you thinking? Classic angina or something sexier like myocardial-infarction?
Jake: Just drop down onto the ground and wiggle.

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Scully: Oh, I could take that shift.
Captain Holt: The last time you worked a Saturday you watched cartoons the entire time.
Scully: Well that's when they're on.

Quote from the episode Windbreaker City

Scully: I really need that Gasinex. I think there was some dairy in the cheesecake that I ate for breakfast.

Quote from the episode Captain Peralta

Scully: Oh my God, Jake, who's flying the plane?
Jake: Co-pilot, Scully, co-pilot.

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