Quotes from ‘Boyle's Hunch’

Boyle's Hunch

'Boyle's Hunch' - Season 3, Episode 3

When Boyle hits it off with a woman at the courthouse, Jake tries to help set him up. Meanwhile, Rosa is angry when her ice cream is stolen and she thinks she knows exactly who did it, and Captain Holt seeks Amy's help with a PR campaign.

Air Date: October 11, 2015.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Police approval ratings are - pardon my language - in the commode.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Yes, this is unfortunate, but let's not overreact to one grafito.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Boyle, they found one of the stole paintings at her house.
Boyle: But she says she didn't know how it ended up there.
She's being set up.
Jake: Framed! Art joke. Continue.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Let's go free an innocent woman.
Boyle: Nice. My dreams are coming true. You and me getting a lady off together.
Jake: I mean, you know how that sounds, right?

Quote from Amy

Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Hey, donut holes. Don't mind if I do.
Eurgh! Fish? Fish donuts, Boyle? What is wrong with you?
Boyle: It's takoyaki. I'm drowning my sorrows in octopus balls.

Quote from Gina

Captain Holt: Gina, as you predicted, there was some backlash to the poster campaign.
Gina: Yes. I'm the Nostradamus of your shame.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like her a little bit.
Jake: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Boyle: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Jake: My mistake.

Quote from Scully

Rosa: I'll be back. Don't move.
Scully: Not a problem. I hate moving.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Now, I see that as a positive story. Out of all the identities he could have stolen. He chose yours! And you want to know why?
Boyle: Because I posted my annual income?
Jake: Because you posted your annual income, you moron.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I'm Donald Hoberman Sykes. I wear glasses.

Quote from Jake

Jake: And my new partner, a tarantula. I call him Jake Junior, a.k.a. Spidey Klum, a.k.a Mrs. Doubtspider, a.k.a. Joe Spiden, a.k.a. Tarantula Basset, a.k.a. Spi-Dermot Mulroney.
Boyle: A.k.a. Tarantulina Jolie.
Jake: What? No. Charles, have you seen the spider? That's a terrible name.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Santiago, thank you for coming in. It's no secret the the NYPD has an image problem.
Amy: Yeah. When I told my garbage man I was a cop, he said "Gross." He had someone else's bandaid stuck to him.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: They'll deny everything. We need hard proof.
Rosa: So, let's get it. Step one, put a delicious pie in the fridge and cover it with poison.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's step one? What's step two?
Rosa: Tell their widows they were thieves.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I have no idea what a chrysalis is, but serious question. If she farts in that thing, does it blow up like a balloon?
Charles: You have to assume that it would.
Jake: You have to, right? Art is so intense.

Quote from Charles

Genevieve: Excuse me. Is that takoyaki?
Boyle: Yeah, from Senka, right down the street.
Genevieve: Oh, I love that place. The chef lets me take octopus hearts home for my dogs.
Boyle: Oh, lucky! How many dogs do you have?
Genevieve: Oh, too many. Three.
Boyle: That's how many I have. All right, wait, quick question. How do you keep them off the bed?
Genevieve: I gave up. I sleep on the floor.
Boyle: Me too.
(in unison) It's better for your back!

Quote from Jake

Jake: My work here is done!
Eurgh, still fish. Oh God!

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: All the headlines are about the bad cops, but there are good cops, too. And I want to put up posters that showcase some of our best. I'd like you to be on the first one.
Amy: Shut up, Ray!
I mean, interesting, Captain. I'll think about it.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Wow, this is a bad idea. First off, Amy has an epic lack of swagger.
Amy: Uh, I'll have you know, I have swagger.
I ooze swagger.
Gina: Right.
More importantly, putting up a bunch of photos of smiling cops isn't going to change how people feel about us.
Captain Holt: I think this campaign is very promising. Santiago, what's your take?
Gina: Oh, right. Let's hear an unbiased opinion from your straight up swim fan.
Amy: Uh.
I think it's a great idea, sir.
Gina: Well, you can count me out. I will not pose for your posters.
Captain Holt: I didn't ask you and you're not a police officer.
Gina: Yeah, I'm out.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I think they've been skimming people's desserts for weeks but I can never prove it.
Did you see them take your ice cream?
Rosa: No, but Hitchcock has fudge stains all over his chest.
Sergeant Jeffords: He's always got fudge stains all over his chest.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, where'd she go? You guys were hitting it off. I half expected to see you sitting in her lap by now.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: She is amazing. Her palette is wide and deep.
Jake: Gross.
Boyle: And at one point, when she wasn't looking, I snuck a whuff of her hair.
Jake: Of course you did.
Boyle: She uses one of my top three shampoos! Tahitian Coconut, Extra Lather.
Jake: Sounds good, Boyle. Did you get her number?
Boyle: Ah, we lost track of time. She had to go back into court. When she's done, I'm going to ask her out.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, so what's the plan?
Boyle: Going straight from here to the spa. Couple's massage.
Jake: Seems a little intense, but given how your other weirdness lined up, I say go for it.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, buddy. I got you some of those fish donuts you like so much, to cheer you up. Although, full disclosure, I couldn't find where they sold them so that's just a chocolate eclair with lox on it.
Boyle: Thanks, Jake, but I don't need cheering you. You can eat it yourself.
Jake: Nope.

Quote from Jake

Boyle: This piece, Breastfeeding Knight, was worth twice what she got from the insurance company.
Jake: Wow, look at that. Not to sound overly intellectual, but dem knight boobies is crazy. Ha, I get art.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: My hunch is that it's a jealous ex-lover. Girl like that, three dogs, makes her own turkey stock, that's the kind of woman you don't get over.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Look strong, but fair, but approachable, but professional, and fun, but not too fun. This is your job. Can you handle all that?
Amy: Sir, fun but not too fun was my campaign slogan when I ran for prom queen.
Captain Holt: Did you win?
Amy: No.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Aims, I wanna say you look great.
Amy: Thank you.
Gina: You didn't let me finish. ... for you. Great news is, it doesn't matter. This campaign, like three out of five Backstreet Boys, is inconsequential.
Captain Holt: That is enough, Gina.
Gina: All I'm saying is as, a - if not the - voice of the streets, is, this tisn't going to work.
Captain Holt: And all I'm saying as a - if the not the - boss here is, if you're not going to support me, you can leave.
Gina: Fine. I will leave. I'm gonna go get a mani-pedi, and I'm going to do some serious sub-tweeting. So you might want to keep off the net.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Rosa: You hungry, hungry hippos at my ice cream! Why was this in the trash?
Sergeant Jeffords: And who throws away a spoon? It's the easiest utensil to clean!

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Interesting. Yeah, something definitely doesn't add up.
(To Jake) Did you know there's a sausage you can drink?
Jake: What? Are you even talking about the case?
Boyle: We got distracted. Oh, she has an amazing tongue. Strong, supple, amazing bud density.

Quote from Charles

Genevieve: Does Charles have a girlfriend?
Boyle: I just saw her mouth my name. What did she say? Is she asking if I'm circumcised?
Jake: What? No! Who asks that? Stop interrupting.

Quote from Jake

Boyle: The guard got nauseous so we had to stop.
Jake: Hmm, that's weird. Do you think it's because you're the two most disgusting people in the universe?
Boyle: Could be.
Jake: Yeah.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hmm, cool. Human chrysalis and what not.

Quote from Charles

Gallery owner: Get out of here.
Boyle: Fine, but we're taking this. Because you don't deserve that memory.
Gallery owner: That painting's $95,000.
Boyle: I don't want it anyway. Your penis was on it.

Quote from Jake

Jake: This is insane. Anything is art. Here, watch this. A statue of Jesus made out of cigarette butts.
Boom, I'm a millionaire.
Boyle: That's actually pretty good.
Jake: I know. And I could call it Holy Smokes.
Should we really do this?
No, that's crazy, you can't just become an artist out of nowhere.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Oh my God, socks and shoes. This is exactly the type of stuff I own. This is kismet.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Hey, buddy. I'm sorry about Genevieve.
Boyle: It's okay. I'm resigned to my life of solitude. Just me and my five dogs.
Jake: Wait. I thought you only had three dogs?
Boyle: I just adopted two online right now.
Oh, this pitbull hates kids. That's fine. I'll never have any. Add to cart.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I really thought I'd get Genevieve out of prison. Then we'd cover ourselves in paint and make love for twenty-five hours. One more hour than her and Nick.

Quote from Gina

Gina: I love them. Once again, my advice has, like, saved the city.
Amy: I came up with the slogan.
Gina: It's tacky to take credit for stuff.

Quote from Scully

Scully: I'm impressed. It takes a big person to admit when they're being a total dumb-dumb.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Some things are just delicious enough to suffer the consequences.
I'm diabetic but I still eat sugar out of the bag.

Quote from Jake

Boyle: Good one. This is fantastic. I mean, I'm not happy that she was having sex with another man, but I'm okay with it if that's what gets her off.
Jake: Do you seriously not hear it? Because it almost seems intentional at this point.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Why do you have that thing?
Jake: Because, they were gonna throw him away. But I couldn't let them do that to my furry little -
Argh! He's actually really scary up close.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Sarge, permission to arrest Hitchcock & Scully.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've told you before. It's not harassment unless you can prove intent to fart.
Rosa: No, it's not that. They robbed me. They ate my Moose Tracks Ice Cream.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's funny. I wouldn't think you liked Moose Tracks.
Rosa: My boyfriend Marcus introduced me to it.
(Sarge laughing)
What? It is a delicious treat for all ages!

Quote from Charles

Boyle: Yeah, and here's a terrible artist. All he does is have sex on canvasses. Any fourth-grader could do that.
Jake: ... but ... they shouldn't.
Boyle: No.

Quote from Charles

Boyle: I wish I didn't have a heart.
I'm off to the cheese shop.
And I'm buying by the wheel.
The cheese wheel.
Jake: Yeah, I got it.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Getting in a little late there, Boyle. Where ya' been?
Boyle: Cursing out my own shadow for hanging out with a loser like me. Also, an eye doctor appointment.

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