Quote from Captain C.J. Jason Stentley in the episode Suicide Squad
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: My name is Captain Jason Stentley. It's Friday night I think. There's no windows in here. This morning, I was kidnapped for real-
Jake: Stop.
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: What? What was wrong with that?
Jake: You said you were kidnapped "for real."
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Well, I don't want people to think I was fake kidnapped. You know? I'm selling it.
Jake: Okay, let's just do it again. Say you were kidnapped and nothing else.
Amy: Now he's gonna add "nothing else."
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: She's right.
Jake: Okay, fine, one more time. Take 12. Just say kidnapped.
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Okay. Kidnapped.
Quote from Scully
Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.
Quote from Captain Holt
Madeline Wuntch: Oh, Raymond, that you came to me to ask for help shows how much you've matured. You know what else shows how much you've matured? Your withered face.
Captain Holt: Now I know why you refer to this as a Suicide Squad, Peralta, because I already want to kill myself.
Madeline Wuntch: Why don't you wait a week? You'll probably die of old age.
Captain Holt: The only way I'm going to die is if you touch me with one of your bony fingers and drag me across the River Styx, you reaper.
Quote from Scully
Amy: Oh, wait. Before we decide Scully, what's your basement like?
Scully: Bunch of old Victorian wallpaper that came with the house. I tried to peel it off, but the wall underneath was covered with fingernail scratches.
Amy: Ooh.