Jake: Wow, I think I really would have gotten along with young Ray Holt.
Captain Holt: Yes, that's why I decided to change everything about my life.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Amy: Sir, I'm sure you had your reasons for going to Peralta, but this is exactly the type of job I would love to have.
Captain Holt: Okay, the next time someone threatens to kill me, I'll come straight to you.
Amy: Thank you, sir. I can't wait. I didn't mean- Let's catch this bastard.

Jake: Boyle, frisk the skinny one.
Charles: I've gone 42 years without a lump of coal. I'm not gonna start now.

Jake: Woah, woah, woah. Where are you going, Cold Mountain? I changed your codename.
Captain Holt: To use the restroom.
Jake: I'm only asking this for your safety. Is it a number one or a number two?
Your silence indicates number two.