USPIS Season 2, Episode 8 - Aired November 23, 2014


While they attempt to catch a drug dealer, Jake and Charles are forced to join forces with the nerdy lead investigator of the U.S. Postal Service, Jack Danger. Meanwhile, the rest of the squad helps Amy quit smoking.

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Guest Stars: Ed Helms as Jack Danger

Writers: Brian Reich

Director: Ken Whittingham

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Episode Quotes

Jake: Boyle, why don't you show Danger what a fax machine is.
Charles: Okay. Imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone.

Jake: Here, my email is-
Jack Danger: Uh, no email. I'll send it to you with r-mail, which is to say, real mail. Because email has put hundreds of my co-workers out of work.
How would you like it if they laid off all of your fellow detectives and partnered you with a robocop?
Jake: I've literally drawn sketches of that.
Charles: The robot has a backpack that can carry me.

Rosa: What the hell? Danger just called and said you abandoned him, took information from a classified computer, and licked a roll of antique stamps.
Charles: The stamps were on me. I was curious about how old glue tasted. Answer, like a horse lollipop.

Jack Danger: There are five people responsible for key collection in the city.
Jake: Boom! That's our list of suspects. We shall call them the fellowship of the key.
Charles: I honestly think you are the greatest man who ever lived.

Captain Holt: Santiago, I may need you to come in for a bit on saturday.
Amy: Again? Are you kidding me, man? (Gasps) I'm sorry. Let's start fresh. Hi!
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: What just happened?
Gina: Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.


Hitchcock corners Jake to tell him he missed Scully's big birthday party, which nobody else showed up for. Jake rushes to the break room to talk to the rest of the squad, who all gave their own excuses for why they couldn't attend Scully's party. The squad go to Scully's desk to give him money and wish him a happy birthday. After they leave, Scully and Hitchcock are delighted their fake birthday idea worked.

After Jake arrives late for Rosa's briefing on her giggle pig drug task force, she tells him they brought in another guy who had a USPS-engraved key. Rosa tells Jake and Charles to go talk to an agent at USPIS. Meanwhile, when Captain Holt tells Amy he might need her to work again this weekend, she uncharacteristically snaps back at him. Amy explains she's stressed as she is trying to quit smoking without Teddy finding out about her habit.

Jake and Boyle arrive at the USPIS office in search of agent Jack Danger's office. Jake thinks the name sounds bad-ass, but when they find the nerdy sweater-vest wearing investigation he insists it's pronounced Donger. The agent believes USPIS is the crown jewel of the law enforcement world, and looks down on local cops like Jake and Charles. Back at the precinct, Terry confides in Amy that he once battled an addiction to food. Terry explains that to beat his cravings, he would dunk his head in ice cold water to reset his brain.

When Jake returns to the precinct to fill Rosa in on how dealers have been using the giggle pig boxes, she tells him Danger proved useful. Jake is disturbed to learn Rosa needs him to continue working with Danger, who is on his way over. Jake, Charles and Jack Danger drive to a mail box. When they get out to inspect the box, they find orange bags containing giggle pig inside the box. When a man carrying another orange bag approaching the box sees the cops, he runs away. Danger tries to run after him but he's tethered to the mailbox by his key chain. As Jake tries to chase the suspect, Danger grabs onto Jake's legs.

When Amy tries to sneak out of the precinct for a cigarette, Captain Holt reveals he also once battled an addiction, to pony racing. Captain Holt tells Amy he got over his bad addiction by replacing it with a good addiction, exercising. He invites Amy to join him for a lunchtime jog. Meanwhile, after they arrive back at the precinct, Jake and Charles tell Rosa how the suspect got away after Danger's mishap. When Jake asks to speak to Rosa in private, Jake begs her not to make him work with Danger, who he describes as a tool. Rosa says there's a clear postal connection in the case so they need to keep working with USPIS. Jake says he'll see the case through because Rosa is his friend.

After Amy and Captain Holt finish their jog around the park, Holt takes a call from his husband. When Amy excuses herself to use the portapotty, Captain Holt sees the smoke emerging from the bathroom. Back in Danger's office, Jake and Boyle want the list of people who were tasked with collecting the mailbox keys. Danger thinks it would be better to keep watching the mailboxes, so he refuses to hand over the list. When Danger leaves his office, Jake secretly prints out the list so he and Boyle can work through the suspects.

When Jake and Boyle reach an apartment door, the third on their list, they recognize the man as the guy who ran away from the mailbox earlier. Boyle breaks down the door and apprehends the suspect. Elsewhere, Captain Holt takes Amy into his office where Gina is leading a meditation session. During the session, Captain Holt finds Amy trying to sneak a smoke out of the office window. Amy says she can't do it and quits quitting.

Jake and Charles arrive back at the precinct with the suspect. Rosa is angry at Jake for ditching Agent Danger with USPIS now taking over the case. Jake realizes Rosa is right to be angry with him for ignoring her orders. Jake and Boyle go to Danger's office to apologize to him and get the case back. After suffering through his long-winded history of USPIS, Danger accepts Jake's apology and hands the case back. When Danger hands over the suspect's notebook, they break the code and identify where the next giggle pig delivery will take place. Back at the precinct, Captain Holt sits down at Amy's desk to tell her she's putting herself under too much pressure and it's making it harder for her to quit smoking.

Before they raid the giggle pig warehouse, Jake apologizes to Rosa for disobeying her orders. Jake, Rosa, Charles and Agent Danger successfully raid the warehouse, though Danger spends the raid knocked out on the floor after hitting his head on the door.