Amy: Hey. What's going on?
Rosa: I'm helping Holt pick a dating site.
Captain Holt: Oh, this looks good. PhDs only.
Rosa: Uh, actually in this context, PHD stands for Pretty Huge [bleep].
Captain Holt: Oh, my. I can only assume that MDs only stands for Medium [bleep].

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: Huh. It's the exact time we agreed to meet for our date, and he's not here.
Amy: I'm sorry. I know how you value punctuality.
Captain Holt: In my employees. But in potential suitors, I don't mind one or two minutes of tardiness. I like a bad boy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom to wash my hands, in case we shake.
Amy: Ooh.

Charles: Anyway, thanks for coming with me to the funeral. I think we're all packed. I just got to go grab the coffin.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, why are you bringing the coffin?
Charles: I brought a coffin to my nana's funeral on a whim, and it was a big hit. So now, guess who's the coffin cousin?

Rosa: Yo. You forgot your lunch.
Captain Holt: Oh. Thank you, Diaz.
Amy: Sir, I didn't realize you were still staying at Rosa's. I thought couple's counseling was going well.
Captain Holt: Not anymore. At Kevin's request, I offered to reduce my work hours by 26%. Kevin countered with 50. Which I countered with 30. Then Kevin says 40...
Amy: Seems like a lot of math for therapy.
Captain Holt: That's what Dr. Cheryl said... which is why we fired her, and now we're working with Dr. Ramanujan. He's a physicist with a nice, concrete worldview. Anyway, Kevin refuses to budge from 36%. And I'm starting to worry that I might lose to him.
Amy: You mean lose him.
Captain Holt: No. Lose to him. Therapy is a chess match. And... I will prevail.