Captain Holt: Well, I don't know anyone's phone number either, except for Kevin's, and obviously, we can't call him.
Jake: How do you not know a single phone number? I've literally watched you memorize the entire terms and conditions agreement for a credit card.
Captain Holt: True, but to make room for important information like that, I regularly purge my brain of useless facts like phone numbers or the names of people's children.
Jake: But you know the name of my son, right?
[flashbacks:]
Captain Holt: The little guy has his mother's eyes.
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: Rough night with the little guy?
Captain Holt: Oh, hello there, the little guy.
[present:]
Jake: How did I never see that? Am I a bad detective?
Captain Holt: We don't have time to go into that.
Jake: It would've been much faster to just say, "No, you're great."

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Rosa: What am I doing?
Jake: You, Charles, and Scully will be here, distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
Captain Holt: And who will be on Cheddar duty?
Rosa: I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
Captain Holt: Bone? Bone?
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: [yelling] Bone? Cheddar's not some street rat.

Captain Holt: I'm gonna check those CompStat numbers right now. I'm just gonna click on this video link entitled "Handyman fixes squeaky door, [bleep] customer."
Jake: Oh, my God.

Captain Holt: But I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
Jake: Ah, yeah, speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring? I don't like lying to her.
Captain Holt: So then you told her about the Top Shot?
Jake: I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth... Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?