Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Charles: Okay, we can't get out until Monday afternoon, at the earliest.
Jake: I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.
Rosa: Did you call it Scullyosis?
Jake: Damn it, Rosa, that's really good and completely useless to me now.

Captain Holt: So you lied to me? Out of pity. You pity me.
Jake: I wouldn't put it that way.
Captain Holt: I would. I am offended. I am angry. I am very tired. So I'm gonna take a nap, but when I wake up, oh, you are in for it.

Jake: Medical examiner, jackpot. The gym is full of bodies.
Captain Holt: No, Department of Health.
Jake: Oh.
Captain Holt: There's been an outbreak of the mumps.
Jake: Mumps, that's a funny word.
Captain Holt: It's actually a very serious and highly contagious infectious disease.
Jake: Yeah, but we're fine. We were only in contact with that guy for a couple of seconds. Plus, he didn't even lick any of our eyeballs.

Jake: This might just be the fever talking, but this unedited footage of an Italian restaurant from eight years ago might be the best movie I've ever seen. Also, how weird are forks?
Captain Holt: Forks are very weird. I've always thought so.