Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1
Captain Holt: Here at the Fun Zone, we live by one rule: when it's your birthday, you're always cool. Parents and kids are all the same. Watch as I do a dance to your name. [steady drumbeat] D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek. D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek.
Jake: Again.
Quote from the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.
Quote from Jake
Captain Holt: I was already suspicious about your new positive attitude towards Florida, a state you once described as America's stinky butt. But then, after we met the marshal, you said something very strange.
Jake: It was "squirt-anly," wasn't it?
Captain Holt: No, something much stranger.
[cut to] Jake: [slowed audio] You were right.
Captain Holt: I knew then that you were up to something, so I followed you here. I guessed the combination on the first try: 69-69.
Jake: June 9, 1969, the day my parents got married.
Captain Holt: No, it isn't.
Jake: My mom's birthday.
Captain Holt: No.
Jake: The moon landing.
Captain Holt: Nope.
Jake: Fine, you're right. It's a completely random number.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman with nice, heavy breasts.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Good morning, Carly, Tanny. Looks like you're keeping the machines running smoothly.
Carly: Whatever.
Captain Holt: Carly will be the first to go.