Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Skyfire Cycle
Captain Holt: The Full Bullpen!
Quote from the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Diaz, Santiago, settle a little tiff that Kevin and I are having.
Kevin: Let's be honest, Raymond, it's not a tiff, it's a row.
Captain Holt: And now it's a scene.
Quote from Captain Holt
Rosa: Come on, sir, the math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.
Amy: [chuckles nervously]
Captain Holt: What did you say?
Amy: Don't say it again.
Rosa: I said you two need to bone.
Amy: [whimpers]
Captain Holt: How dare you, Detective Diaz. I am your superior officer! [shouting, five minutes later] Bone! [sternly, ten minutes later] What happens in my bedroom, Detective, is none of your business. [shouting, twenty-one minutes later] Bone?! [calmly, forty minutes later] Don't ever speak to me like that again.
Quote from Amy
Captain Holt: It's the "Monty Hall problem." Imagine you're on a game show. There are three doors, behind one of which is a car.
Kevin: You're telling it wrong. There are three doors, behind one of which is a car. You pick a door. The host, who knows where the car is, opens a different door, showing you there's nothing behind it. Now the host asks if you'd like to choose the other unopened door. Should you do it?
Captain Holt: No.
Kevin: Yes.
Both: It's simple math.
Captain Holt: It doesn't make any sense to switch. The prize is behind one of two doors. It's a 50/50 chance either way.
Kevin: It's 2/3 if you switch, 1/3 if you don't. The probability locks in when you make the choice. We've been over this eight times.
Captain Holt: Seven times. Now you can't even do simple addition.
Amy: Kevin is right.
Captain Holt: Hmm. You're fired.
Amy: What?
Rosa: Ah!