Gina: Why would I do something myself if I could pay someone else to do it? It's a gig economy, Amy.
Amy: Gina, it feels so empowering to use your own hands to change a tire.
Gina: Phone, call me a tow truck.
Amy: No, phone, no! Look, Gina, don't call a tow truck, okay? I will teach you how to change a tire. You'll be so happy I did.
Gina: Okay, fine, but on one condition. You buy me lunch.
Amy: What? No, I'm doing you a favor.
Gina: Phone-
Amy: Okay, no, no, no, no. Whatever you want, fine. Just let me teach you, please. I need a win today.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Captain Holt: You're annoying my mother.
Jake: Are you blind? We're vibing like crazy.
Captain Holt: I assure you, my mother's not a vibrator.
Jake: Definitely not what that's short for.

Jake: The alarm company said the break-in happened around 7:30. Most people are home at that time. Is there anyone who knew you'd be out?
Laverne Holt: The people who were with me at wine club. Oh my, I just remembered, Carol Spitzheim's house was broken into several months ago, also during wine club.
Captain Holt: Interesting. The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small.
Laverne Holt: I would say infinitesimally.
Jake: Yes, and I would say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Captain Holt: Enough! He robbed my mother.
Jake: No, he didn't. He's her lover. He's your mother's lover. He's lovering your mother.