Amy: And then you release the jack. And voila. Tire changed. Don't you feel empowered?
Gina: Yes, there's nothing more empowering than getting a condescending colleague to do a menial task for you.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Gina: I'm talking about how you just changed my tire while I sat here watching a 20-minute video of a monkey getting its hair combed.
Amy: But you were paying attention. You laughed at my joke.
Gina: Did I?
[cut to: ]
Amy: I like to call this the jack of all trades.
Gina: [watching her phone] Silly monkey! Oh, this monkey.
[present:]
Amy: So you really didn't learn anything?
Gina: No, but I hope you did. Can't school Gina. Gina schools you. Class dismissed.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Captain Holt: You're annoying my mother.
Jake: Are you blind? We're vibing like crazy.
Captain Holt: I assure you, my mother's not a vibrator.
Jake: Definitely not what that's short for.

Jake: The alarm company said the break-in happened around 7:30. Most people are home at that time. Is there anyone who knew you'd be out?
Laverne Holt: The people who were with me at wine club. Oh my, I just remembered, Carol Spitzheim's house was broken into several months ago, also during wine club.
Captain Holt: Interesting. The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small.
Laverne Holt: I would say infinitesimally.
Jake: Yes, and I would say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Captain Holt: Enough! He robbed my mother.
Jake: No, he didn't. He's her lover. He's your mother's lover. He's lovering your mother.