David Santiago: Look, I get it. You're jealous. I'd be jealous too if someone was better than me at everything their whole life.
Jake: Oh, no.
Amy: [scoffs] Not everything. I have more allergies than you.
Jake: Not the best brag.
David Santiago: I have so many allergies, I just found out I'm allergic to chia seeds.
Jake: But apparently effective.
Amy: I'm allergic to chia and acai berries.
David Santiago: Yeah? My throat gets scratchy when I eat stone fruit.

Charles: I want to send someone into holding, undercover as a perp, to see if they can get him to open up.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why don't you do it? You're always going on about your acting abilities and that time you played Annie.
Charles: I'm an adult man, Sarge. I didn't play Annie. I was in "Annie." I played Miss Hannigan.

Charles: Hey, Captain, Sarge, I have a case I want to discuss with you.
Captain Holt: You want to talk about work in the break room? That's highly unorthodox, but I suppose we can give it a try.
Charles: Okay, so I have a perp-
Captain Holt: I'm sorry, this is insane. Let's talk in my office.

Jake: Ames, super important question. Which one of these shirts should I wear to dinner with your mom tonight?
Rosa: Those are exactly the same.
Jake: I have a signature look, Rosa.