Scully: Boyle, where's my candy?
Charles: What?
Scully: The box is full of sand. Or maybe it's sugar. [spits] Oh, it's not sugar. It's sand. Is this some sort of sick joke?
Charles: There was candy in there earlier. Maybe it fell out?
Scully: I don't want excuses, bitch! I want my candy! The vending machine is broken, and you're my only snack source.
Sergeant Jeffords: He doesn't have to be. I still have your purchase order.
Charles: You. You did this.
Sergeant Jeffords: Please, I would never do something that childish, and you would know that if you weren't a big, stinky dumb-dumb who smelled like butts.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Charles: Really never seen Speed, sir? Keanu Reeves, Sandy Bullock, Jeff Daniels at the height of his sexual powers?

Charles: Uh-oh, I know that strut. Little hip swing, playful butt bounce... Somebody made a collar!
Jake: Not loving you talking about my butt bounce, but, also, hell, yeah, someone collared a big dog!
Charles: Woof, woof!

Rosa: So you lost a Speed That sucks. At least you didn't have a Sister Act taken from you.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: Bracco confessed. The undercover operation is over.
Rosa: But I just got a spot in the choir.
[present:]
Jake: Wait, is that the real reason you left the force?
Rosa: It didn't help.