Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Charles: Okay, we can't get out until Monday afternoon, at the earliest.
Jake: I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.
Rosa: Did you call it Scullyosis?
Jake: Damn it, Rosa, that's really good and completely useless to me now.

Amy: Rosa? Are you stuck in there?
Rosa: No, I'm in here by choice.
Amy: Oh, 'cause I hear some banging noises as if someone was struggling to open the door.
Rosa: No. That was the pipes.
Amy: Or, is it the sound of you learning how to ask for help? You know, you can't spell "independent" without "dependent."
Rosa: And you can't spell "Go [bleep] yourself" without "[bleep] you."

Rosa: We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.
Sergeant Jeffords: I thought you had Amy over there once.
Rosa: Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day.

Rosa: And when this is over, I'm going to find you, and I'm going to break those little fingers.
Judge: Ms. Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!

Sergeant Jeffords: Talk to him, that's what friends do.
Rosa: Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's your plan for dealing with this?
Rosa: That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.

Rosa: Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage.

Bob Annderson: I know Figgis, and you're in far more danger than I. He's coming for you. And I guarantee his soldiers find this place.
Rosa: Not gonna happen. I rent it out under a shell corporation.
Jake: Yeah.
Rosa: My mail goes to a P.O. box in Queens.
Jake: Yeah.
Rosa: My neighbors think my name is Emily Goldfinch.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Rosa: People I work with all think my name is Rosa Diaz.
Jake: Yeah -wait, what?
Rosa: Don't worry about it.
Jake: Okay.

Captain Holt: Marcus, Detective Diaz, what a surprise. I didn't expect you for another nine and a half minutes.
Rosa: See, told you it was rude to be early. Well, let's cancel the entire evening and try again next year.

Amy: Rosa is even wearing her formal leather jacket.
Rosa: It's the one without any blood on it.

Kevin: Rosa, tell us about your family.
Rosa: I have one.

Rosa: Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.

Amy: You know how every year the precinct does that Junior Police Program seminar?
Rosa: That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids to become student snitches?
Amy: Mmm, no. The thing where we try to get at-risk kids-
Rosa: Losers.
Amy: To sign up to become Junior Police Officers-
Rosa: Snitches. What about it?