Jake: I can't believe you live nearby, and you won't let anyone crash at your place.
Rosa: You people already know too much about me.
Jake: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: You slept in your office and you look exactly the same. How?
Captain Holt: What are you talking about? My hair is a mess.

Charles: You just graduated pie school, bitches.
Sorry I said bitches, I'm just really worked up.

Sergeant Jeffords: He makes me feel so small!
Captain Holt: Well, who cares what he thinks? You're a police sergeant! You're a grown man!
Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I'm going to be very disappointed in you.