Sergeant Jeffords: What did the official say when you got married?
Captain Holt: Not much. When gay marriage was legalized, we're not sure if or when it was going to be struck down, so speed was of the essence.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Gina: My mom is marrying, shudder, Charles's dad, toilet emoji.

Captain Holt: I remarked afterwards that I wished the officiant had been more efficient. It was very funny. Kevin still talks about it. Maybe I should open with that zinger?

Gina: Give me the ring.
Jake: You sound like Gollum.
Gina: That means nothing to me. I don't see those movies, I'm too pretty.