Charles: These, Madam, are STDs.
Jake: What are you talking about, buddy?
Charles: STDs. Save the Dates. For Vivian and my wedding.
Jake: Ah, yes. Hey, just out of curiosity. How many people have you given STDs to?
Charles: Lots. Like a hundred.
*Everybody but Boyle laughs*
Charles: Oh, I get it. STD has another meaning. You're gross. No one else is gonna think that.
Amy: Everyone else is gonna think that. But it's sweet that your mind didn't go there.
Charles: You're right it is sweet.
Amy: Will your first dance be to You Give Me Fever?
Sergeant Jeffords: Will you be serving crabs at the reception?
Gina: Do you have herpes?

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Captain Holt: I do not have a problem. If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, I will play Kwazy Cupcakes. Kwazy is a difficult word to say in anger, but I think I've made my feelings clear.