Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Night Shift
Captain Holt: According to a recent study, the physical act of smiling can improve your mood. I suggest we give it a shot. Eh? Now you all try. Big smiles, bigger, bigger! Great, now we just have to stay like this for the next two hours. Can you feel it working?
Quote from the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.
Quote from Captain Holt
Sergeant Jeffords: Should I just go tell everyone to buck up and do their jobs?
Captain Holt: No, the squad's only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me. It's my responsibility to fix this, so I'm going to brighten the mood by telling a few jokes. Try this one on for size: I don't care for cheese.I'm a curd-mudgeon. [silence] Wow. You're too tired for humor.
Quote from Charles
Charles: Now we just gotta pull his files from records.
Jake: Yep, then we bust him, and we'll be done with plenty of time before Nikolaj wakes up.
Charles: [correcting] Nikolaj.
Jake: Hm? Nikolaj, yeah, I said it.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Not even close. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Almost. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj. I feel like I'm saying it.
Quote from Charles
Jake: Thank you, okay, so I break the back window, make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing lookout by the front door-
Charles: [French accent] Oui, oui.
Jake: Smoking a cigarette. Check it: Ash.
Charles: [French accent] Ooh la la. Okay, so I am smoking.
Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: Oh, Jacques rolls his own cigarettes, a habit he picked up from a prostitute in Marseille, but that is not all he picked up.
Jake: Why do all your characters get STDs?
Charles: [normal voice] Because they're living life!