Amy: Hey, can I talk to the captain?
Gina: Ugh, he's on the phone. Do you want a coffee while you wait? They made me an extra one on accident.
Amy: Oh, sure. Thank you. Oh, my God! What is that?
Gina: Cement! You just drank cement! Guys, check back in to see if she dies.
Ugh! [choking] You're not really gonna die probably, okay? Just a little honey for the G-Hive. Also you can talk to Holt. He is not on the phone.
Amy: What is happening?
Gina: It's a little something I call two pranks for the price of one!
[Amy enters Holt's office]
Captain Holt: Santiago, I'm on the phone.
Gina: Triple prank!

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Captain Holt: Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum.
Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all.
Never vacation in Banff.

Captain Holt: When people say, "Good morning," they mean, "Hello." When people say, "How are you?" they mean, "Hello." When people say, "What's up?" they mean, "I am a person not worth talking to."

Captain Holt: Five minutes left. What have I missed? Professional handshake.
Amy: We did that. Fingers with a half-centimeter spread, up, down, then separate.
Captain Holt: Good. Acceptable fabrics?
Amy: Cotton or cotton blend. Wool is for outerwear only, and silk is for sex workers or musicians.
Captain Holt: Right. Good desserts?
Amy: There are none. If you are hungry, you should have had more dinner.
Captain Holt: That's it! We're done. You've been mentored.