The Apartment Season 1, Episode 18 - Aired February 25, 2014
Jake's debts finally catch up with him and put him in danger of losing his apartment, unless Gina finds a way to bail him out. Meanwhile, Captain Holt and Sergeant Jeffords hold performance reviews for everybody at the precinct, and Rosa and Boyle have a conflict with one of the weekend officers.
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Guest Stars: Dirk Blocker as Hitchcock, Joel McKinnon Miller as Scully, Matt Walsh as Detective Lohank, Brian Huskey as Mr. Henders, Bob McCracken as Frank Spond, Michael Donovan as Martin Lipstunk, Chuck McCollum as Loan Officer, David Theuene as Hank Berlusconi, Eltony Williams as Clancy Thomas, Peter Janov as Police Officer
Writers: Prentice Penny
Director: Julie Ann Robinson
Episode Quotes
Captain Holt: Do you see me as a father figure, Peralta?
Jake: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, show your father some respect.
Jake: I didn't call him dad.
Captain Holt: No, no. Jacob, I take it as a compliment.
Charles: It's not a big deal. I called Vivian mom once and she's my fiancée.
Jake: Guys, jump on that. Boyle has psycho-sexual issues.
Amy: Old news. But you calling Holt daddy.
Jake: Hey, daddy is not on the table here.
Suspect: Well, you did call him dad, dude.
Jake: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here.
Suspect: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the daddy thing that happened.
Jake: Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.
Captain Holt: I believed you-
Jake: Thank you.
Captain Holt: -son. You want to talk about it later over a game of catch?
Jake: I'd like that.
Hitchcock: Not to brag, but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests. Would've been 20 but we only got 14.
Captain Holt: That's not enough arrests.
Hitchcock: Well, no one asked you. It's a self-evaluation.
Jake: So, hit me. How much do I have to cut back to keep this place?
Gina: Infinity percent.
Technically speaking, you're bankrupt, kiddo.
Jake: That sounds bad.
Gina: It is bad. I only said "kiddo" to soften the blow, kiddo.
Rosa: Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.
Jake: So, talk to me, goose. How are we looking?
Gina: Sexy, but not like we're trying too hard. Like, sure, we're trying, but it's almost effortless.