516 - NutriBoom Aired April 15, 2018

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Jake and Charles realize that they've been suckered into the cult-like NutriBoom pyramid scheme, and must find a way to sever their contracts.

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Guest Stars: Winston Story as Bill, Christine Garver as Angela, Drew Tarver as Gary Jennings, Joshua Elijah Reese as Peter, Jay Chandrasekhar as Jay Chandrasekhar, Joe Hartzler as Todd, Kate Butler as Debbie Stovelman, Nasim Pedrad as Katie Peralta

Episode Quotes

Jake: Pigeon's still here?
Scully: Yeah. No matter what we do, he just won't leave.
Jake: The problem is you're thinking like detectives.
Scully: No, I'm definitely not.

Jake: When you should be thinking like a bird. This is Operation: Saving Private Pigeon. On my mark, I will turn on this fan, gently startling our bird due east, into the file box canyon, where he will encounter Charles holding two pot lids.
He'll bang them together, forcing Private Pigeon into the ceiling there and out of the ceiling there, where he will be greeted by scary Rosa holding a scary picture of an owl. Now he's playing our game. He'll veer left, into an upside down garbage can propped up by a hockey stick and connected to a string that Gina is holding. She pulls it, he is trapped, and Terry releases him outside.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry hates birds.
Jake: Okay, little friend. Let's get you home to mama. Oh, God. It flew right into the fan! It's everywhere! There's pigeon everywhere!

Jake: Bill, what are you doing here? I thought we agreed to meet only once a year for the Halloween Heist.
Bill: I'm here to deliver your quarterly NutriBoom shipment. It comes with both the amino acid reducer and extra amino acid, so you get the perfect balance.

Jake: I only signed up as a one-time payment bribe. I'm not selling NutriBoom. It's clearly a pyramid scheme.
Bill: First off, it's not a pyramid scheme. It's a conical-tiered multi-flow-through medical marketing entity. And secondly, you signed the contract.
Jake: "Permission to charge my card quarterly for the next 85 years." This is written in white ink on white paper.
Bill: They do it that way so you can't read it.
Jake: Well, I did read it and I'm canceling the contract.
Bill: Canceling? If it was that easy to get out, would I be here scamming my closest friends?
Jake: We're your closest friends? What whatever, I'm not accepting the shipment.

Charles: Jake, piece of advice: just give up. It's the Boyle way. It's why our family crest is a white flag.