Charles: This is ridiculous. Neither of you have even taken a bathroom break.
Captain Holt: Are you kidding me? Do you think world record-holder Howard Berg would stop in the middle of a read-off to expel?

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Sergeant Jeffords: This is gonna take forever.
Captain Holt: I actually took a speed reading course. I tested at 800 WPM.
Amy: That's pathetic. I tested at 802.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's pretty close to Holt's score.
Captain Holt: No, no, 802's incredible. She pwned me. I read the entire Urban Dictionary So I could converse with the other uniformed officers. Finished it in 47 minutes.

Captain Holt: But we have to let the investigation run its course. Right now, everyone's a suspect.
Rosa: Except for Hitchcock and Scully. Whoever did it took the stairs.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we don't know where Debbie has hidden the drugs. We searched her car, her apartment we even tried the location data on her phone, but she was smart, she had it turned off.
Amy: Or her battery died. According to her Screen Time app, she plays five hours a day of a game called "Cool Girl in School."
Charles: I love "CGIS." I just made captain of the color guard. Junior year's looking up.