Dillman: All right, let's get started. I want written statements from every witness, personnel files for the entire squad. Of course, I need to have this desk dusted for prints, see if we get a hit on the AFI system. Somebody could maybe get rid of those pigeons. And, of course, I'll need to see any surveillance video.
Sergeant Jeffords: Unfortunately, this area's a blind spot. The camera that covers it broke two weeks ago, and it hasn't been fixed yet.
Dillman: Really don't want me to see that security footage, do you, Lieutenant? Hm, I wonder why.
Sergeant Jeffords: I was just stating the facts. I didn't do anything to the camera.
Dillman: I never thought you did, but now I know every single thing about you as a person.
Captain Holt: Everyone back off. Dillman has the scene.

Jake: The point is a crime has been committed, and someone in this room did it. There are seven suspects all with means and motive. It appears what we have is a classic whodunnit.
Captain Holt: The phrase "whodunnit" is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term, a "who has done this."
Jake: I will not.

Dillman: So now I'd like to move on to a real suspect. I wanna see detective Diaz in the box.
Charles: [gasps]
Jake: What... don't gasp for him. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Rosa: Title of your sex tape.
Jake: Yeah, it's... obviously it's the title of his sex tape. Everyone's taking my stuff.

Jake: Fair point, but we do shatter a lot of glass around here. Either it's Rosa who's disappointed in her Buzzfeed results...
[flashback to Rosa on a computer:]
Rosa: I am not a Blanche! [throws the mouse through a window]