Captain Holt: Good news is our evaluation will be done by Deputy Chief Brandt. We have a good rapport. He was once my captain.
Charles: So he's kinda like our grand-captain?
Captain Holt: That is amazingly funny.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

Doctor: We weren't able to do the procedure. Your friend is so large-
Jake: That you needed a bigger saw to cut through his dingus.

Jake: That's so bitter. What's wrong with this chocolate milk?
Store Owner: Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is teat-to-mouth raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.
Jake: That's the worst part of both of those things.