Amy: Knock knock.
Captain Holt: Knock with your hands. Saying it is ridiculous.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Scully: Well, how do you know he's even in a bad mood? It's impossible to read that guy.
-cut to-
Captain Holt: This is the most incompetent, worthless report I have ever read in my life. Get your act together, or so help me God, you won't live to see retirement.
-cut to-
Scully: It's like, what's the guy thinking? You know?

Rosa: You all right, Captain? Tough weekend?
Captain Holt: I went to Barbados with my husband. We wove hats out of palm fronds and swam with the stingrays. I've never been happier.

Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?
Amy: We could add a horse.