Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, I know what you two are doing. This is your weird way of making me stay at the Nine-Nine. Well, I am loving it. You know, the funny thing is Cagney naps better, but at night that's Lacey's time to shine. One time she went eight-to-eight!

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Gina: If Rosa had a twin, she would have eaten her in the womb.

Charles: Are you leaving us for Copperhead?
Gina: Because I am prepared to light Charles on fire in protest.

Sergeant Jeffords: My own office. With walls!
Charles: Did you tell him Terry doesn't love walls?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Terry loves walls.